Snowflake

As a snowflake you came
So unique and beautiful
Brings a smile to my face

Like the moon you part the darkness
Bring light to the cold winter nights

You're my star in the sky
Helps me find my way
Into your warm embrace


//Jezz 2010-11-26

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Patchwork

Patchwork

Time to patch up the heart that once was broken
Time to reveal all those words that was unspoken
A path in mind
A heart thats blind

Her soothing mind keeps me clear
Her gentle caress, I'm obsessed

I give her my heart
I give her my life

Forever in my mind
Will this be my kind

//Jezz 2010-11-03

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The art

---

Don't

Within or without
Within the shadow of a doubt

Her apperance in my mind
Whenever I close my eyes

Under the lonely bridge
Above the dark waters

A lonely figure
A lonely heart

Whenever you'r not here
An acing burns deep within
When love is thrown in the bin

A lonely shadow dwell in the dark
Enslave your soul
Burns you his mark

We should never be apart

//Jezz

Why?

Miss you.

Another night alone.Within this empty home.

A soothing hug.
A longing mind.

The gentle touch.
That matters much.

Relieve my pain.
Until we meet again.

Want to be forever in your arms.
Protect you from all harms.

Loosing my mind.
Will she be my kind?

I'll miss you until we meet again.
Your acing firend.
Thats lost again.

//Jezz 2010-10-26

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Flaming abyss

"Ich bringe dich dazu mein Freund zu sein, ich schaffe es dass du mich hasst,....aber mich zu lieben,...kannst nur du entscheiden"
//Jezz, written sometime during 1996 




Falling
A fall to a hope
Beneath the hanging rope

A pledging voice
A reaching hand
"Take me a way from this land"

In sorrow and in joy

I'll always be your toy.

It's time this pain will end.
Time to take me to the promised land.


I believe what's men to be
will take away my misery

/Jezz 2010-10-25

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New & Improved?

Perhaps not improved..
However, I MUST WRITE MORE OFTEN... A fact..
I've been very very very very very lazy lately.
Generally coz theres so much going on, like:
Monday:
05:00 Breakfast,
06:00 Work
11:00 Lunch
12:00 More work
15:00 Go home
15:30 Shower
15:45 Prepare dinner for myself
18:00 Guitar practice
21:00 Bedtime
Tuesday:
Repeat monday
Wensday:
Repeat monday

And so on so forth.

Ehum, well it might not look like much, but it don't leave much time left to do things on.

Why is there never enough time?

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Nuclear

Heard it once..
Got hooked on it.
Listened to it all day.. :D
Jesus on Extasy is my saviour (for now)..
//Jezz

Effective?

Poor piglet.
Poor fella never stood a chance.
It's very easy to judge by how a person dresses. I just wish more ppl could be more understanding. Not to let first impression be held against them.

I'm a part of the machine.
The machine thats supposed to work
But only does for the ones who fit within the frame
I refuse to be yet another sheep within the herd
Way to many sheep herded by the machine
Told what to think, what to wear.
Not me.

Should I get punished for this?
I can ensure you that I have, and still am.

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Jack of Jill - Girl Scout

(Common now, sing along..)

If you want it, did you never want for more
The Girl Scout fell from grace
If you want it, did you never want for more
I spit inside her face
If you want it, did you never want for more
The lines that cut right through
If you want it, did you never want for more
The numbness that was you
What I want
and what I need
To sacrifice what I believe
My little Girl Scout
Your mouth is getting sore
Will you love me any less
If I hurt you any more?
If you want it, did you never want for more
Cleansing every sore
If you want it, did you never want for more
Sold from door to door
If you want it, did you never want for more
Finish what you start
If you want it, did you never want for more
De-humanize my heart
What I want
and what I need
To sacrifice what I believe
My little Girl Scout

Your mouth is getting sore
Will you love me any less
If I hurt you any more?
I was never your number one fan
How can I grow a girl away
When you never were a man?
And I was never nice, and I've gone too far
You don't need to be nice when you've been
Kissed by a star
Kissed by a star
Kissed by a star
Hurt by a star
Fucked by a star
Kissed by a star
Kissed by a star
Kissed by a star
Fuck what I want
Fuck what I need
I'll sacrifice what I believe
My little Girl Scout
Your mouth is getting sore
Will you love me any less
If I hurt you any more?

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Plastic Wrap - Trapped?

Plastic Wrap - Trap

Here within
Here without
Lost my way
Lost my sight

Another morning
Another day
Still the same
Still no name

Her eyes
Her smiles
Where to find
Where to rewind

A plastic wrap
A plastic trap
A soulless thing
...
Still lost within

A silent moan
A silent home
Shes living dead
Shes in my head

Cant set her free
Cant let her be
She owns my mind
She owns my kind

A prisoner within
A prisoner locked in
Wants to get out
Wants to get free

A plastic wrap
A plastic trap
A soulless thing
...
Still lost within

A plastic wrap
A plastic trap
A soulless thing
...
Still lost within

//Jezz 2010-07-11

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---

Sleep my dream, without me you're nothing.
Sleep my life, without my dreams you're not worth it.
//Jezz

Enter

Enter my mind
Search and you will find
Stop and be blind
Forever lost in time

A shimmer of hope
Your eyes through the scope
You woun't be the first to mope
My heart broke the rope

Deeper insight
Hold me tight
You just may
You just might.

//Jezz 2010-06-10

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Wensday

Destined to die.
A flesh eating pile.
Doomed by our lust.
To our politics we trust.

Another life.
Another vain.
Forever left with our pain.
In life's cruel game.

//Jezz 2010-04-28

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Over and out for now //Jezz

Tears of blood

Tears of blood.

I Don't want your tears of blood
I Don't need your sorrow
I already swim within my own river of pain
A steady flow
A never ending hell

I don't want to
Don't want it to be like this

Lost my dream when I was seventeen
Her eyes stole my heart
Swept in like ravens
Black as coal
Devouring my soul

I don't want your tears of blood
I don't need your sorrow
When I'm drowning
Within my own

//Jezz 2010-04-22

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Mortal Love - I Make The Mistake

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“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” //Winnie the Pooh

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That's all for now. Over and out // Jezz

Her ghost

I don't know when
I don't know how
I don't know if.
All that can be done, is to keep hope
To keep working towards the goal.
If I ever can reach it.
I refuse to see it as a "if".
Rather as a "when".
I refuse to believe that I will forever be lost.

Wonderful

---

Life goes on, not to my liking tho. Everything seems like it don't wanna go my way.. There is ALWAYS something that stands in my way, that fucks things up for me. Wherever I turn, it's a dead end.
I'm so sick & tired of this. When will my life turn around?

Godess

Bondage
Tasty lips
Hungry eyes
A tender kiss
A longing wish

Succulent breasts
Perfect hips
A steady grope
A firm rope

Flowing hair
Perfect chair
A tricky knot
A floggers crop

Moans of lust
Panting chest
A tempting lick
A loving caress

//Jezz 2010-03-13

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Gah! I'm going mad, so much to do, so little time, and no place to go yet!

Lost past

An anthem.

A thought of moments past
Within my mind of final goodbyes
Spawned hope redye.

A vision of friends lost
The people you miss the most
Only till you lost your post.

A memory of good times
Checkered past.
Nothing lasts.

A spotted presence
Lost credence
Only memory remains
As well as the pain.

-Jezz 2010-03-5

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I Don't know why, I got this strange feeling inside. Like something is cooking, something is going on, and I'm not sure that I'm going to like it.
However, this is a breaking point in my life, I need to get away from my past, to find myself, my true self this time.. Not this empty shell of mixed dark emotions, a steady flow of pain & depression. Its the time for a new dawn. A new life, a new me. Lets just see if I can succeed this time.
/Jezz

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"ASP - Dancing" Lyrics:
I see their naked bodies dancing in the blue and black lights
and wonder when the first will fall
I see the eyes wide open and the tongues that lick some lips
the shadows how they´re creeping on the wall

There are those nights we want to rip our skin off
just to feel that we are we are still alive
all angels left us left us all alone
there are those nights we can no longer wait
for an accident love or lover
we are the lost ones searching for a home

I see their faces hollow smiles
I see the shadows on the tiles
Dancing.....on the wall

Not even when they kiss or when they touch each other with their hands
not even then they stop the dance
erotic nightmare all the bodies are so wet so beautiful
so hot so shivering lost in trance

There are those nights we want to rip our skin off
just to feel that we are we are still alive
all angels left us left us all alone
there are those nights we can no longer wait
for an accident love or lover
we are the lost ones searching for a home

I see their faces hollow smiles
I see the shadows on the tiles
Dancing.....on the wall

I know we´re lost because the world is cold and love has died
we´re tired we can no longer bleed
so we shut out the day exuding all the madness and decay
come on there is no time to sleep

There are those nights we want to rip our skin off
just to feel that we are we are still alive
all angels left us left us all alone
there are those nights we can no longer wait
for an accident love or lover
we are the lost ones searching for a home

I see their faces hollow smiles
I see the shadows on the tiles
I see them rise I see the fall
I see them dancing on the wall

Dancing on the wall

To kill a king

Todays soundtrack: Hungry Lucy - To Kill A King

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Yes in deed, how to kill a king? Well apparently it's not that hard as you might think.
From one thing to another, a kinda fun fact about high heels... Is that it was a king that actually started the fashion, the french reagent Louis XIV (1643 – 1715) also called "The Sun King". Just check out the picture on wikipedia. Strangely enough, it didn't stay with the male population, but somehow over the years the fashion of high heels got turned towards females and developed to perfection, so for many torture devices.. However, high heels are beautiful. I just wish I could walk in em. :P

Transmuter, someday I'll own a pair... And hopefully be able to walk in em to. :D

Sleep somehow

Bah! Another sleepless night.. I can't understand why my body don't wanna fallow a regular human's cycle... In the morning, noon, always dead tired. Frankly I don't wake up properly before 10 in the morning.. Never understood why, perhaps the answer will come to tell. I just hope it will come soon, coz it's unbearable to have it like this... I mean, when I start to work again, I MUST get up in time, which at the moment seem impossible.. I can set 3-4 alarms on different devices, selular phones/alarmclock/digitalwatch/clockradio etc, sometimes I don't even hear em. And due to that, get late to whatever I need to attend..

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Peter Heppner, a wonderful voice, love to hear him sing.. Especially the song "In My Life" where he's only the guest singer to the group "Alice 2"... If you got Spotify it's worth to listen to it, see if you realize what they're singing about. Post in comments if you do..

Rotfl

If that was me, I wouldn't still be visible in cam view, I would be lying on the floor laughing... Even tho I don't got anything against ppl of different, um, feline taste, belief or, um.... how ppl dress and similar.. But if that was what I saw in a webcam conversation, without any warning, the "lol-factor" is high..

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My rose.
My uncontrolled within.

A scent of humanity.
A scent of trust.

Lost within your embrace.
Lost within your eyes.

A simple wish to caress those petals.
A simple longing for its kiss.

My rose.
My tender rose.

-Jezz 2010-02-28

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Hey you

And don't you forget it!

And if you would forget it, me and Nemi will come and get you when u least expect it, and that's the last thing in the world you want us to do.

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Well this past week has been a real handful, so many things going on, tho I rly hope its going to create a better life for myself.

"Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
-Al Capp

Enjoy:
Spiderbait - Fucken Awesome

Frozen

It's so cold, -22ºC this morning (-7.6 ºF), luckily I didn't need to go out at that hour. Tho in 2 hours I gotta, but it has become a little "warmer", now its 'only' -19ºC (-2.2ºF)..
Days like this is when I rly wanna get away, to some warmer place. Someone who's good at dreaming is Jack Black, just check this song/video out.



Haha, I always laugh when I watch that clip..

Onto a more serious matter tho, my sister got put into the ER this Saturday, she could have died. And she don't even know about me.. Not sure if it matter, not sure if I care. It's her own sinful living that's bringing her down. All people in my family have warned her, but she still spirals downward.

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Mechanical Moth Rulez!!!!!


I love that song, and that video, been listening to it over & over.. Yes.. I Am insane.. But that's the only way for me to get by.

Over & Out //Jezz

Blind?

Blind as a bat.
I Can see, but still discover nothing.
I Can read, but still don't learn anything.

Searching through life.
Without anything in sight.
Tremble ahead as I crawl.
Slowly beside the wall.

/Jezz 2010-01-29

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Curse "the trolls" that keep me awake.
Curse my crappy life, that gives the trolls something to feed on..
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, see the post "The Trolls"
I want to get out of here. Get out of this concrete shell. Break down those walls, ANYTHING! Please I can't stand this much longer. Give me a job dangit! A new place to be, a new start. But nooooo another situation when life comes and bites me straight in the ass!
At lest I can find some comfort in reading about other peoples misfortune at www.fmylife.com

That's all for today.. Over & out //Jezz

Cursed

Cursed

I am cursed.
By the acing in my soul.
As for the lost time.
Wither slowly from within.

A Life with a never ending pain.
To loose hope, perhaps to never find it again.
Only one candle left to burn out.
Before the darkness comes.


/Jezz 2010-01-27

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Why cursed? Well yes, I strongly believe that I am.. Nothing, and then I truly mean NOTHING is going my way. I've even started to refer my life as "MLS", which is short for "My Life Sucks".
Don't worry, I still can enjoy some brief moments when I can laugh, enjoy a movie, or enjoy a nice day... However, I always hurt inside.. I've just become rely good at hiding it.
It seems like an ordinary day cant pass without SOMETHING messing it up.. Even such a simple thing as tossing away something into the trash... I lean in, toss it in, the trash bounces off the bin and onto the floor, often somewhere where its annoying to get hold of. I pick it up, toss it again, it STILL bounces off.. This usually ends up in a very, and then I mean VERY pissed off Jezz, if I where anything like Bruce Banner I'd be a raging she-hulk within nanoseconds.
That's my life in a nutshell, everything from small things to large things MUST go wrong. Not intentionally by me, but it just seems like the world is against me..
Within this misery I try thinking about the Karma perspective, do good things and good things will happen.. I've been trying to be as good as I can but STILL there's no actual reward. Or I might have gotten the reward, I'm just to blind to see it..
So if it means that "Karma" is punishing me, what have I done wrong? I can't think of anything that's been done within the last year that can have to make me suffer as much as this.
No job, no money, no life.

No I'm not an EMO self cutting mano-depressive crazy chick. Sure sometimes it feels like ending it would be the easy answer.. Tho there are some bastards out there that would enjoy it to much. And I sure don't wanna give em that pleasure, plus the fact that I actually want to know where I can get in life. I'm not "dead stuck" yet, but it sure feels VERY annoying at the moment.

That's all for now, over & out //Jezz

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Cornered

Cornered.
My life got me cornered.
I Cant move back.
I Cant move forward.
Everything is black.
I'm only turning inward.

Floor covered in broken glass.
Night time always lasts.
The nightmare that forever came.
To haunt me forever.
I'm loosing again.

Squeaking floorboards keep me awake.
Steps in the distance
But no one is there.

My calls echo out in the distance.
Nobody hears.
Or nobody cares?

//Jezz 2010-01-27

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Manor of Crows

I know that I've been lazy updating my blog, I will try to do it more often.. The general reason why it's not been updated in long is lack of inspiration. I simply don't feel that I've got something to share.
As I use to refer my life towards myself, in three letters, "MLS" as in "My Life Sucks".
No point in having you, the few ppl that actually read my blog, plow through my misery.
Yes I sound miserable & depressed, and yes I am, but my life aren't all bad. Tho a incomplete life is a life wasted in my eyes.. And since I can't do jack & shit, and jack left town about it, I'm sorta stuck in life.. I could take some time to develop this but that would take long and I don't wanna bore you.
At the moment my life is in boxes, some workers have been in my apartment doing some conversion work for the heating, they are still not done and there's not any point in unpacking unless they are finished. Which will be in 6 to 8 weeks...

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Now to a more serious (?) matter, since I'm not interested in any sport (especially watching sports on TV), many ppl way to often ask me if "I know when/where the next match is" which I find VERY annoying.. I don't like sports, and I sure don't annoy ppl by asking about thinks they don't like.. At my former work EVERYONE automatically assumed that everyone is interested and of course know when and where the next game is.. Even tho I explained to them several times that I don't care and never will.
To get me to watch football for ex, they would have to dig down ~10 landmines at random to make the game more interesting, and not just a bunch of ppl chasing after a ball back & forth..
Tennis, make the ball explosive at random impact so u never know when it will go off..
Hockey, electrify the pads so they admin random electrical impulses to players, that would be fun to watch..
In general, sure I can admit, you need some kind of skill to be successful, however especially in team sports, it's also a huge amount of random luck. I would like to see two equally matched teams play two games, with as short time in between only to see that the result can vary even if its the same teams playing, it's just a matter of who got the "flow" that day.
I might be morbid in that way, tho there's no interest for me to watch.. Much more point in participating your self then to just be an idle bystander.