Men knivarna i mitt hjärta sitter kvar
Den röda stenen, eller det lilla som är kvar av den.
Ärrad av årens sår.
Stucken och hammrad av tidigare liv
Krossad och söndersmulad av kvinnlig hand.
Ena halvan är borta.
Snälla säg till om du finner den.
Så jag kan bli hel igen."
//Jezz
Well, time and time again I'm being doubted, you know who you are.
You think I've been with other ppl while I was with you..
The answer as you requested is NO WAY!
I don't fuck around. I am true to the one I love. And I do love you, no one else. I can't seem to forget you. So every time you accuse me of being unfaithful is just another stab in the heart.
I gave my love and my life into your hands, and you threw it all away.. Just because you had to suspect stuff all the time.. I didn't suspect you to be unfaithful because I knew how I felt about you, and I didn't feel insecure about you. I felt the love from you, and I hoped you felt the love from me to you. But no, still it wasn't enough.. It's apparently never enough for you.. You broke up with me, I didn't want that to happen since you where my world, you held my heart. But still you tore it apart and keep ripping it into pieces..
Why can't u realize that I'm not a bad person, I didn't cheat on you I can't do that to the one I love. The only one I've had sex with since my ex who drank to much booze is you, and since you're gone, I haven't had sex at all..
I am no Casanova, I don't have girls lined up to be with me. And I didn't care ether since I had you.
You apparently didn't trust me since you still believe that I hacked your yahoo... I might be good at computers, but I didn't dedicate my knowledge into doing bad things like hacking. Besides, I trusted you. It might be foolish of me, but spending so much time and energy as you did just to trying to find bad things, only made you loose confidence in me AND in yourself.
Tho you apparently have such low confidence in yourself that since YOU read my messages I had to do the same? Common, your way to think lack of reason, and you lack the ability to listen and actually rethink your own reasoning.. You said that you listened to what I said, but no you didn't. You heard what I said, but you never actually listened and RE-THOUGHT your own reasoning.
Just cause u think that you learned something from a TV show don't mean that you can implement it in real life. Microexpressions is something fictional, it don't exist, you can't read them, no one can since they are fictional. It even says so in the beginning of the TV-show. But you apparently made yourself the real life expert of something like that.
You said, that if I tell nothing but the truth, there was still a chance for us.. And when I tell the truth, I'm all of a sudden lying?
I told you EVERYTHING truthfully, and you still didn't believe me.
And still you couldn't take a step back, re-think and realize that wait, I gave this person an ultimatum, and if he want to rescue our relationship this is actually the truth. So this is the truth.
But no, since you're the microexpression master, and you have everything figured out by yourself, I'm lying?
Just cause the truth isn't what you want it to be don't make it a lie!
So if you have so much doubt, blame yourself. I know that I have done nothing wrong, I have been honest and true to you. I haven't been with anyone else. My consience is clean.
All I wanted is for you to love me for who I am, but you had to do like your mother and actually work hard and try to find things to be upset about, and now even when you have broken up, you still have to make things up to ease the breakup for yourself.. Spare yourself the trouble, don't blame me for what your own mind have caused. I'm still here, true to you..
I hate myself for it, but even tho you hurt me so much. I still love you so much, that I'm willing to forgive everything that has passed.. Tho I doubt that you actually can rethink things, and actually allow yourself to let go of all these suspicions towards me and see that I haven't and don't want to do harm, apparently I am to kind, and to forgiving for my own good.
At lest I could back off, and realise and say that I've done something wrong when I had done something wrong. And actually understand how you think.
You lack that ability to admit if you made a mistake and to forgive others for making one, and you have to find ways to be negative, like your mother. You said that you didn't want to be like her.. But take a step back and look at yourself, and see what you have become.
I did so many things, trying to make you realize that you are the one I want, but not even then did you see.. Cause in your mind I "didn't try hard enough".. What did you want me to do? When you talked to me you where so cold, and so determined that I was the reason for making you feel bad.. You didn't even take a second to reflect on your own behavior, because if you did, you would have seen that the one who made you feel bad was in fact.... you..
I gave my heart to you, I gave us rings to match. All I wanted was to grow old with you. I don't want anyone else.. Tho you where to negative in mind to see it.. And now you have to make up ways to clean your path for your own mind, so that you can see with your tainted eyes that the choice you made to leave me was the right one..
We might not have been perfect together, but ppl have to be different to match. And people who are narrow minded, will only loose the good ones they could ever heave.
You said that you could handle the truth better then a lie. You lied to me about that, and you lied to your self about that, cause all I ever told you about us and about my feelings towards you where truth, I told you more truths then any other girl I've been with, and you still couldn't handle it. How can you trust someone when you don't trust yourself?
I trust myself cause I know that I don't want to cheat on my beloved.
Goodbye my love.
Stop holding a grudge towards me. Since all I wanted was to be with you. Stop denying it for your own sake. Or this will haunt your mind forever.
Beware of those trolls..
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