X-Mas

Another christmas, another year.
Well, it's not much to say, accept I hope you all have fun, get what you want in the packages. And that you don't be to greedy, a x-mas present gained is still better then none.
I know what I want, but I also know that I'm not gonna get it. But its ok.. Christmas is still about the most sins in the shortest time so merry x-mas all..


Movie tip for the hollidays, if you haven't seen it, go get "Bad Santa"

Love...

Love is not longing

Love is something magical
Something beautiful
To know that you have someone there
That's yours to keep in bad and for worse
In joy and sorrow

You can't fallow me blind
You have to have your own goals set up
Your own path to walk
Not assume that I'll be there holding your hand
Telling you what to do
How to act
Or all you will do, is fall back behind
Steady your soul
Steady your mind

Love can blow your mind
Steal your judgment
It's all that it takes
One small step in the wrong direction
And I wont be there to find

When every feeling hurt
When all you want to do is give up
Give in to your bad desires
But you don't
Then you know that this is the right track to take
If not, I don't know
If you ever will come to terms
With yourself
With this pain we all feel
We all don't give in

//Jezz 2009-11-24

---

Chamber - A Tale of Real Love

Can I be what I want to be?

He gazed at the image in the mirror.
Wondering if she's somewhere in there.
A little peak, a little sign.
Will he see her again?
Many questions asked.
None answered.
A falling star.
A fading color.

An eternity of dreams.
A face that seem to far away to reach.
An endless nightmare.

---

Mechanical

Somebody plz give me a job! I'm sick of being unemployed, this low business sycle is starting to get on my nerves. I Need a job, and it is NOW!
There are no jobs around here atm, at least not any jobs that fit my profile.
I can't accomplish my goal without a constat cashflow.
Any ideas? Plz comment.

---

---

When you're alone.

Todays blog soundtrack:

---

When you're alone.

Dark recipie of a dark brew.
Everything is a lie.
Nothing is true.

A mixture of boiling thoughts.
Tearing down your walls.
Creating internal wars.

Hilight of far away existance.
Big shadow of mistrust.
Big cloud of resistance.

Mindless indulgance.
Creative corrotion
Of a diffuse mind.

Words that hurt my soul.
Never more.
Never should.

When you're alone.
Don't let the thoughts come.
Cause they will devour your soul.

//Jezz 2009-09-28

---

Is it important to keep your dreams alive? I like to say yes..
Without dreams we humans are nothing. Without a dream there's no future.
Even so, many peoples dreams get crushed by others.
For example, if Nikolai Tesla had been given an honest chance to develop his visions, who knows what life today would have looked like? But no, the genral public put him down. Declaired him "a mad scientist", and alienated him.
Same behavior of the general public is still seen today, if you dont fit the grid.... You're out of here!
Tho according to some resources ppl who are odd, diffrent from the rest of the sheep, most often have more to contribute within a work enviroment. Still, they get ostracized, for being themselves.. Unlike the rest of the sheep herd, who's mainly is a bunch of ass-kissers and self admierers.
Bah, I've said enough.. //Jezz

Simple! HA! No! Never that easy!

Soundtrack for my blog today, press play before reading on.

---

Whats left inside?

Breaking point.
Breaking heart.
Why does everything seem to fall apart?

Lost soul.
Lost cause.
Ether way I turn, I still lose?

Story begins.
Story ends.
How come so many pretends?

Heavy burden.
Heavy life.
No matter what, I still strive.

/Jezz

---

Hah! This life is just a fucking joke, is it rly ment to be like this? Everywhere I turn there are ppl who are doing so well, with their jobs, their life well on their way, while mine barely have begun. I got a long way to go, to reach my goal, and as for now, it feels like the whole world is working against me.
Yes things have been worse for me, but things have also been better.. I mean, I had a job, a chance to become something, while now........ now it just feels like sand of time is running through my fingers.. I can't do anything about it. I hate that. Can't blame it on anyone, if I where a believer, that fella God would be a good "being" to blame. However, I doubt that this person ever could help me in any way. I'm a lost cause ether way, EVEN tho I try to live by the good rule (as stated in My Name is Earl) "Do god things and god things happen"... However, I've been doing that all my life, but still I do god things, and bad things happen. WTF have I done wrong? It drives me insane sometimes. Eh, well more instane then I already am then. Is that better? Ok good. :P

The world is a unfair and unforgiving place. Don't know if it matter, not sure if I care. Things just sux. Or. things just are the way they are.

Over & out //Jezz

Never gets old

This song, touches my soul, embraces my heart. I don't know why. I don't know how, but it still does, I have to surrender to ASP's greatness and weep. Yes when I hear this song, my eyes fills with tears. No I'm not sad in that manner, it just touches me in such a way I didn't think was possible from a song. There's only one other song that made me cry like this. No need to say that its a song by Blutengel? No? Hehe thought so. Well. I Know that this track has been stated on this blog before, but it so great, I have to post it again. And again. And Again..
Well u get the picture.
This is one of my greatest inspiration sources. I want to make music like this, but with my own twist & creativity.. Got one word for ASP tho; "Keep up the great wonderful work!"

ASP - Me

---

Fact
There is a fact
There is a fiction
Wenever it can be done
There's no prediction

My soul is set diffrent
My heart tells a tale
My brain thinks diffrent
Whats the matter with me?

A existance without body
A life without measure
A simple thing
That only money can bring?

This eternal struggle
This longing
This wait
For something that migh be to late?

-Jezz 2009-8-30

---

Well thats all for now, over & out.. //Jezz

Cough up that hairball

Legion of cuddly things.
Ignoring the handling hands.
Forever trying to reach.
Only to be bit by hungry teeth.
My fluffy friend.
Bite me once again.
I Tell you this my friend.
Don't have that thought again.
It's cold out in the rain.

Find your star.
Your goal.
Aim high.
Tho don't expect miracles.
Meet me in between.
Where nothing is as it seem.

-Jezz 2009-08-29

Well. This is kinda how I feel, do the pic need an explanation? Let me know in comments if so and I'll explain.
But for now. Please enjoy Substance of Shade!!

Substance of Shade - Numeric Fields


Substance of Shade - Lovesong


Substance of Shade - Reality

Longing

Time for a little more serious note.
Things have taken a little pull upwards, however this year as still become somewhat of a disapointment. Got laid off as for end of january, to little work... And the chock came just a week ago, they where closing down the entire factory, so now I don't even have a chance on getting back my old job when the buissiness sycle is up.
What to do? I need a job, it's hard to build a life otherwise. Especially a life as complex as the life I need.
Even gone so far that I'm seriosly thinking about starting a pledgedrive to myself, yes it sounds pathetic, but before I can truly reviel myself a major cash donation is nessisary.
There's so much I want to do, but not having a job, a income, is rly pulling me down. I rly hope this will turn soon or I'm pretty much doomed to a lifetime in this "hell".

My GF & my music is what keeps me alive within this burning inferno. Can't even sleep straight..

To quote Wynyard the Frog from "Meet The Feebles": "Minimum donation 50 buks!"

//Jezz, over & out for now.

---

End of Green - Dead End Hero

Opression

If you function like a man.
Then let go. Use what you can.
Stop to deny what's truly you.
I understand that it's hard.
Due to what's happened to you.
That your male side was oppressed.
Pushed far back in your mind.
Common now my love.
Lure that forward.
To establish what's rely you.
Before it ruins that's left of your thoughts.
You can do it.
I know you can.

//Jezz 090531

I wont leave u

I wont leave you.

I wont leave you my dear.
Even if you think so in tears.

I wont leave you my dear.
No matter how much you're in fear.

There's nothing to be afraid of.
There's only you and me love.

You're my lost but found dove.
Within my whinter hearts clove.

//Jezz 2009-04-18

No name, no slogan

Where the angels and demons meet.
Where the women and children weep.

There's a shimmer in her eyes.
There's a heaven in her arms.

Cause when I see her face.
When I feel her embrace.

I'm her ability.
She's my liability.

//Jezz 2009-03-02

---

Acid Horse - No Name, No Slogan

Don't call me bad

I'm so much worse.
Is there rly any way to keep myself from going insane?
I'm still waiting for my dreams
They seem never to get real.
No matter how much I hope.
The world always find some way to pin me down.
Flat to the ground.

I know I'm bad.
However I'm not bad in the way you think.

How much more of this can I take?
Time will tell, as usual..
It's my worst enemy.

Is it to much to ask?
To have someone near,
Someone to call dear?
Apparently it's so.
Since time pass by.
And still everything remains the same.
I just want to have someone to hold.
Someone to get lost within those beautiful eyes.
Never get tired to touch her silk like skin.
Hear that voice from within.
Tell you "shes the one, to keep. Forever, and ever".

Only for the privileged ones.
Prove otherwise, I dare you!?

Lost my wings

I lost my wings.
Forgot how to fly.
Ran away.
Away from it all.

Cowered with shame.
Nothing remains the same.
Every hurtful feeling.
Crowding in my brain.
Could I feel happy?
Nah, never again.


Drowning in the river of tears.
Cannot look back.
Everythings black.
Wandering the afterlife.
Looking for a way to get back.
Untill I found her track.

Searched through the snow.
Walking in terrible cold.
Loosing all hope.
Where to go?
She's nowhere to be find.
All this snow is making me blind.

I want everything I could need.
Long hair as there can be.
Suculent hips, longing lips.
Just like hers.
Just like hers.



My longing wishes.
Don't make any difference.
A grasp of her breath.
The touch of her hands.
When all I want
Is for us to be togeather.
Togeather forever.

//Jezz 2009-02-24

---

This is rly confusing.. Sheesh I'm a mess.. Haha, well thats realy no surprise. An diffuse mind can only spread confusion. Can't remember when it was I had a grip of reality last time.. Seems like never. Looking forward, and I see a small glimmer of hope to get my act togeather.. How it will turn out? Well I will try to keep you posted. The few who read this.

Over & out //Jezz

Stained

Heres looking at you beautiful.
With a tear in my eye, a nife in my heart.
Soul acing for our eyes to meet.
A craving from within.
Hear you breate in.

A simple thought a heavy feeling.
With a drop of blood falling down.
Stained my shirt, stained my life.
Only to see her gentle smile.
I'd walk a mile.

Moist hungry lips.
Open arms open mind.
The sweetest girl anyone can find.
Her beauty strikes me blind.

//Jezz 2009-02-23

---

Paradise Lost - Ereased




That's all for now.. Over & out //Jezz

Her

It's her eyes.
It's her face.

There's no lie.
There's no disgrace.

I want to love this girl.

In this world,
I will be waiting for her.

It's her grace
It's her ways

As she plays
As she tease

Is there any way?
Is there any place?

I don't know where to go
I don't know how to act.

When she glows.
When she shines.

I do long for her.

She hold the key to my chains.
She hold the pain I can relate.

Hand in hand for a new beginning
Hand in hand for my heart belongs to you


//Jezz 2009-02-22

Tears

Her tears are frozen in my mind.
A frosty thought that I try to find.

Her eyes still watch me in my head
Without them I'd feel dead.

The trouth that will be told.
Has to wait, perhaps it's to bold?

Somehow I feel her presence.
It's hard to form a sentence.

A simple song triggers the river of tears.
Simple feelings that's about to drown.

Perhaps they are lost forever?
Just let the tears find out.

While I'm locked within in siclence.
There's no way I could cry less.

I cannot freeze my sorrow.
I'll always be drowning in tears.

How can I trade you my heart
for your innocent love?

-Jezz 2009-02-21

---

"Bröllopsresa: första försöket att fly från äktenskapets verklighet."
"Honeymoon: the first try to escape the reality of marriage" - August Strindberg
Perhaps, tho it kinda sounds like a statement from someone who haven't felt true love.


Napoleon Bonaparte wore a read shirt in battle so that his troops wouldn't see if he got wounded, since that might lower their morale.
Hitler wore brown pants........

Nuff siad //Jezz

Faces

Empty places empty rooms.
Another face gone without a trace.
Her shadow linger in the room.

Like a musk from flowers.
I hear her breathe in my ear.

Gentle lips fiddle with my ear.
A silent moan, a muffeled scream.
Har face went past my window.

-Jezz 2009-02-20

---

Yeah, ya know.. That's the trouth!

Over & out //Jezz

It Continues

Haha, everything isn't red in plain view, you don't need to worry..

Blutengel - Die With You


Lyrics:

You do everything for me
Protect me from the shadows

You hold me when I'm falling
Chase all the bad dreams away

You hear me when I'm calling you
Wash away my tears

My blood is poisoned, my soul is aching
I'II die for you once more

But once you hurt me and I can't forget the pain
The razorblades inside my soul
Inside my soul

I tried to forget you
I tried to love you
But I hurt you all the time
I cant't forget you
I'm afraid to touch you
And I always see you cry

I tried to forget you
I tried to love you
But I hurt you all the time
I cant't forget you
I'm afraid to touch you
And I always see you cry

You do everything for me
Protect me from the shadows

You hold me when I'm falling
Chase all the bad dreams away

You hear me when I'm calling you
Wash away my tears

My blood is poisoned, my soul is aching
I'll die for you once more

But once you hurt me and I can't forget the pain
The razorblades inside my soul
Inside my soul

I tried to forget you
I tried to love you
But I hurt you all the time
I cant't forget you
I’m afraid to touch you
And I always see you cry

Let me die, let me die, let me die with you

And I wish I could die with you again
And I wish I could die in your arms again
I want to die with you...

---

Today started out quite well, I just hope it will end well to....
Over & out, //Jezz

Frozen

Frozen
Her feet touched the street
as a light feathers fall.
She walked like a queen
towards my frozen soul.

With a warm gentle gesture
her hand touched my heart.
A cold breeze of whinter
was released at last.

I was this black angel
with nowhere to hide.
All these broken demons
that haunt me at night.

Ther was a pale gesture
just out of sight.
I begged her to stop
but she faded out.

Her ways snared my mind
and I was intrigued.
It's like an old wish
that finally came true.

I beg of the stars
that it's long last.
Cause I'm so far frozen
its time to save me at last.

-Jezz 2009-02-19

---

ASP & Chamber - Ride On




That speaks for itself. Haha, if you can read my riddle, relax it's not that bad promise. Haha.. *Hugs*
Nuff siad.. Over & out for this time.. //Jezz

Circle Of Dust

I lost my wings, like a fallen angel.
My pale face down in the mud.
Shed my tears, in graves of wisdom.
Hear her words still eco within my mind.

Salty drops makes lines in my face.
Paints up a pattern of scars I feel within.
Shades of night, flows uppon me.
Drags me down in the path of night.

She's my heaven.
She's my hell.
I'd do anything for her.

In this darkness.
In this cage.
She's the only one for me.

Run your hand against my cheek.
Give me a smile and tell me not to weep.
Share my world beneeth our feet.
I'm forever that you please.

She's my heaven.
She's my hell.
I'd do anything for her.

In this darkness.
In this dispair.
She's the only one for me.

As the night flees the light.
As there's no trouble in sight.
Look into my clear blue eyes.
They belong to you as it might.


-Jezz 2008-02-17

----------------------------------------------------------------

This is just another thought. Another blur.
Is there rely a mening for me in this world?
Still I lure in darkness. Afraid to come out.
Well, perhaps not afraid.. I just don't wanna be here anymore
So sick & tired of it all.
I want to.. Correction.. I NEED to relocate, this is redicilous.
Or rather sad. That I didn't realise this sooner.. Why stay at a place where ya can't feel truly at home?
I need to get over the obstacles, get over the walls. Swim across the great sea, and only then can I be set free.. Is there anyone out there that will join me?
Hah, not that many realise what I'm going through, well its understandable since I'm on purpose being a mystery.
This is over & out for now.

To survive

This is a guest entry written by my friend Älvöga.

To survive


"To survive is to face the dark thoughts every day" This is my mantra when darkness finds its way under my skin.



Those days when there is no light to be seen

Those days when my mind back stabs every happy and joyful thought

Those days when I fall into the dark and chaotic empty pit oh loneliness



To survive those days you need to be strong not to give in to pain and try to face the terror of the world. When you are under the spell of chaos nothing else matters: Your boy/girl friend could go to hell, your parents kills you with every comment they make, you don't even care if you live or die those days



All you want is that chaos will loose its grip on your soul so you can be free- so you can move on.



I'm still here fighting not to give in to pain and chaos

I'm still here facing an empty pit of loneliness every day I wake up

I'm still here not giving in to the terror of destruction and that is much thanks to my friends



My friend are those who reminds me that life is worth to live. They give me strength to carry on, to fight the the terror of darkness lonliness and chaos. I'm happy that I have friends like Jezz, Phoenix and J they do check in on me from time to time and they help me to aise my spirits, to survive


//Älvöga

Key

Here are the correct answers to the little "test":
1. ASP - Me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8kvrYuQHOo
2. ASP Feat Chamber - The Paper Hearted Ghost (link pending)
3. Emilie Autumn - Liar (prefered ASP mix) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyTbXrS_Rw8
4. Frank The Baptist - Call The Tune http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk0IpwMxtN4
5. Hungry Lucy - Alfred http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlY-CHHnhwA


A little tough that time, will make an easyer one some day in the future..

Somehow I can't let this song go, it always pops up into my thoughts. I sometimes even sing it for myself at work.. Probably have mentioned it before in my blog. Tho it can never be spoken enough about.

Army Of Lovers - Obsession