Am I broken?

Like a gingerbread cookie in my hand, easy to crush. Can't both keep and eat. It feels like however I chooce, the choice is wrong. Oh so wrong. Why can't all the wrongs in my life end up in at least one right? Why oh why, can't someone help me end this miserable life? And no, not end as in end completely, I mean end as in change it for the better.

Where the whinter night ends.
My being sits here & pretends.
That everything is fine.
No pain, no crime.
I realy dont mind.

Just tought forever was much longer then this.
That it was going to be much more then that last kiss.
However I feel, however I think. You will always be missed.
An eternety of error.
A lifetime of labor.
Just to correct what I did wrong.
Still whistle our song.
With a dagger in my heart.
Hiding in the dark.

//Jezz 2008-12-26

On another topic however. I thought I would give you guys & girls a challenge..
The rules are quite easy... Find the name of the artist/band/group/whatever and songtitle just from my short quote.. The quote can be just a few words. A complete sentence, or big chunk of the song and perhaps a comment, a clue or just me yapping on. However, try not to google the lyrics it will spoil the fun.. When you think you got the right answer, just write a comment, with number & hopefully the correct answer. As for example:
1. Black Sabbath -Paraoid
2. Metallica - One

and so on.. The correct answers will be presented in next blog entry. Good luck.

Here we go, the general topic for today is:

"Songs that could have saved my life"

1.
This is my long time favourite track now, been mentioned before in previous blog entrys.
" Follow the light and you´ll never return"


2.
A wonderful old style tale that makes me weep within every time I hear it.
" I would have given my life but you've taken my soul"

3.
With a nearly unique style this artist stole my heart & soul.
"I want to mix our blood
And put it in the ground
So you can never leave"

4.
This could be one of the reasons why I don't drink.
"When I'm drunk I miss you so
When I drink I think of you."

5.
This is a rahter long quote, and it speaks for itself.
" When I realized you weren't returning
I grew so sad that I forgot about myself
Fighting sickness to the point of dying
Never realizing what I had become
A faded thought that keeps on living"



That's it for now. Good luck.
This is no hitlist/toplist, just randomly selected.

One light, one star.

Well, I no longer know what to do with my life, seems like I'm on a raft floating in the ocean. Don't know where I'm heading, don't know if I will live long enough to see the shore. But, as for now, I'm still trying to get some wind into my tiny little sail. And hope that the currents help me back to safety.

I Wish things could be different. But will someone listen?


Night moonlight, shadows meadow.
Out of touch, out of luck.
Sing a song for the ravens.
They invite you to heaven.
Forever enslaved in their might
Never give you spite.

-Jezz

Paper Hearted Ghost

As music shall be, warm and soft. Kind on the ears. Just like a busom, just calls you to be near.

---

Chamber - The Paper Hearted Ghost
(Imagine it preformed with bagpipe in background and in old Irish singing style)
Your skin was as white as the fresh fallen snow
your eyes where so bright with a promising glow
your lips red as roses and your hair black as coal
I would have given my life but you've taken my soul
There was nothing on you a man wouldn't admire
my heart made of paper and you've been playing with fire

I think I will never know why you chose me
but I know that I'm not the man I used to be
you knew you're my queen without realm without crown
just one look from you turned my world upside down
You didn't want a piece of me, you took the entire
my heart made of paper and you've been playing with fire

Your heart was so hungry and I was the feed
but soon you ate your fill and now I must bleed
you loved me forever but just for a while
you've broken my heart and my life with a smile
I'd never have dreamt of you being a liar
my heart made of paper and you've been playing with fire

I told you that I couldn't live without you
you promised redemption it proved to be true
you shortened my suffering with a long knife
first she'd taken my love then she'd taken my life
where we loved each other my bed was my pyre
my heart made of paper and you've been playing with fire

Now I'm hunting the land I'm prowling around
or so many years I've been searching but found
not a trace, I confess it's unfortunately true
I should be ashamed but I still do love you
There still is this damned so called burning desire
my heart made of paper and you've been playing with fire

Now you know my name as my story's exposed
now you know why they call me the paper-hearted ghost

---

Will find a link to this song. It has to be heard. The lyrics are wonderful (as you probably have noticed your self if you read this).

ASP - Me

ASP - Me


Lyrics:

Under the stairs and beyond your horizon
There lives a creature that wants to be free
Under your skin and beneath the dark water
There ascends a shining light secretly

Ah there is blood on the horizon
Ah and the flood comes in from the sea
Ah and a storm behind your eyes and
Ah there is no one left to see
Me

Stay where you are don't give way to your hunger
Shivering you stand there, it makes you yearn
For what lies hidden a phantasmagoria
Follow the light and you´ll never return

Ah there is blood on the horizon
Ah and the flood comes in from the sea
Ah, and a storm behind your eyes and
Ah there is no one left to see
Me

---

Nothing more to say. This song made me cry. So deep so.. so... wonderful..

Over & out// Jezz

Mourning

Tired of it all, nothings right nothings wrong.
Sedated, deprecated.
Nothing less then hated.
Nothing more then life have created.

Fading heart, dying art.
Longing just to hear you talk.
Hear you breathing in the dark.
Carry your mark.

Whenever I'm alone, you're still on your throne.
Making me suffer, dying alone.
Deprives me of my sleep.
Makes my soul weep.

Forever scared, forever with this scars in my soul.
They start to bleed when I realize I'm all alone.
They grow wider, they grow deeper.
No more rest, no more sleep now.

Afraid I'll drown in emotional blood.
If I close my eyes, it flows like a flood.
Just as the water falls.
Just as my inner self calls.

I'm dying alone, within these walls.
No one cares, no one calls.
Inside this skin, its all so dark.
It's all so wrong.

-Jezz 2008-08-24

---

Interpret it as you like, it's rely not that bad. Promise. And yes some still call, you few know who you are. It's not a question of "not calling" its a question of longing for "the right call". So no hard feelings huh?
Well, so many days, so many weeks, so many months have passed.. Yet it feels like everything just remains the same. I want out of this vacuum. Can't hope, nor trust that someone else will come and help me with that, I know... Yet still I'm longing for that someone.. Strange isn't it?

This is an old classic that have kept me alive longer then I'm willing to admit.. Enjoy.

Scorpions - When The Smoke Is Going Down


Lyrics:
Music: Rudolf Schenker
Lyrics: Klaus Meine

Just when you make your way back home.
I find some time to be alone.
I go to see the place once more.
Just like a thousand nights before.
I climb the stage again this night.
cause the place seems still alive.
When the smoke is going down.

This is the place where I belong.
I really love to turn you on.
Ive got your sound still in my ear.
While your traces disappear.
I climb the stage again this night.
cause the place seems still alive.
When the smoke is going down.

I climb the stage again this night.
cause the place seems still alive.
When the smoke is going down.
When the smoke is going down.
When the smoke is going down.

---

Thats all for this time... Over & out.. //Jezz

Torments

Tormented wild soul.
Nothing's there yet to behold.
Every thing is there to make you fold.
Bow down and do as your told.

Never again, never this game.
I Refuse to be tame.
I'm not bad, I'm not insane.
Just want to be a part of this plane.

Invitation to a broken soul.
We where made to be as one.
Never to be apart.
Never to be left in the dark.

Moonlight fading.
Making the shadows mend.
Walking with the dead.
Just one last time.
Before it starts all over again.

Shallow minds in shallow costumes.
Stare empty with glowing rage.
They support the anger.
They support the hate.

Don't be shallow.
Don't be late.
This state of mind,
filled with disbelief.

//Jezz 20080728

Summer Spirit

Spirit of a fallen past
Free from sorrow, free from cares.
A midnight tale of broken dreams.
Nothing changes, or so it seems.
Hidden tears, hidden screams.

In chilly shadow woods.
She hid her self from the gods.
Only to dance in secret with empty rooms.
Shivering cold, like tombs.

Until ritual of release, she'll bow down on her knees.
Thank the spirit within, get rid of the vermin.
So enlightened with the summer sky above.
Release the black shadows, send then back home.

---

Moonspell - Magdalene


Lyrics:
Have you ever loved a woman
who should be that little intruder
in the one that you should be

Share the snake with us,
swallow the snake (for) us...

Have you ever loved a woman
who instead of give or take
would seduce you with a trade

Share the snake with us,
swallow the snake (for) us...

You have learnt heaven through impure lips
so different from what you have been told
so different from what you have seen

and now that you learnt you will have to release
the tender arms of a woman
which would have strangled you to let you live
you will have to elect (choose) the fainting arms of this cross
which are just killing you to let you live...

Share the snake with us,
follow the snake with us...

---

Over & out // Jezz

This will blow your mind

Yes it is, but even if you think you finally found "the one and only"... Never be sure, since:

Life's just one new obstacle after another.. Sometimes you fall over, sometimes you run through, and in some rare occasions ya manage to jump over.. But when you have fallen several times in a row, life seems hard.
However, I like to qote from the movie "Galaxy Quest", it fits in so well at this state in life, when it all seems so bad, you don't think there's ever a solution - "Never give up! Never Surrender!".


The Birthday Massacre - Kill The Lights (Live)



Over & out, //Jezz

In Addition

To make up for "lost" posts.. Here's a double post...
Just had to show for you ppl, one of my "new" favourite bands. Like their style.. Like... like... like..... *Hugs* *Cries* *Smiles*


The Birthday Massacre - Blue


The Birthday Massacre - Lovers End (Live)

Send me a tought

Todays Themesong: Fiction8 - Let Go.
(Press their name to go to their myspace page, let that song play in background while reading.)
It's time to open the zipper, see clear.
It's time to stop crying, seize the lying.
This world, this I will tell.
Still ends up as my hell.

Wherever I fell and land.
Every thing just ran out in the sand.
Lost grip on life, away it ran.

Empty faces, empty rooms.
Empty souls that cry for the moon.
Slithering feeling destroying my spine.
Still wish that she still where mine.
Longing there was more to this.
Just one more last kiss.

Shadow captured my heart.
Made it oh, so dark.
Corrupt my values.
Made me fall into sin.
There was no way I could win.

The question I ask myself now;
Is there anything worth saving from it all?
Will I ever be able to stand tall?

Am I to lost to be saved from this?
Am I to lost to be saved from this?
Someday you will come home.
Rescue me from this tomb.
Before i succumb.

//Jezz 2008-07-18

---

This might be something from a bad dream. I struggle to sleep, but I know that when I wake up, everything is still as usual. Everything is still sucks.
Yes I hide, still have to, don't ask me why, as long as you're not in the same shoes as me, you are in no state to question this, you can't understand anyway. This life is a must for now, don't know for how long. I Just want this time to go fast so I finally can find 'you' and get my life in motion again. Somehow that just feels impossible right now, but deep within I know things will be solved sometime in the future.. Tho I hate the wait, cant stand being alone, the shadows consumes, devours me hole, just sit in my "cave" feeling like "Gollum".. Still haven't found out what my precious is tho, perhaps my computer? Haha :-)
Still there's one option, one choice.. No it's not suicide - I would never do such a thing. Can't give those assholes that satisfaction, if they once called me an angel, well now my hoofs have grown, my horns have shown themselves and can someone pain my face red to complete the illusion? Anyway, it's what people think of me now. At least the one's who don't know the real story.
No back to the real issue, I got a choice, and it's to neglect a part of me, but that wont solve anything, it wont allow me to be me. So when I think of it, it's rely not an option since it can lead me further into the abyss.

They say, "Don't fear the reaper"...

I Don't. However... Don't want to waste my time being alone. Wasted to much already... :-(

Over & out //Jezz

For a friend

To a friend.
Bulimia or not, you look good the way you are.
I will always be your friend, even when you only want me to bugger-off
I Wish you could be happy.
If you only knew how great you are, you wouldn't have lost your self within it all.
As long as you're alive, you will have a fan ether you want it or not. I can't hate you as you thought.
Think about you atlest once every day, wonder if I'll hear from you today?
I could pick up the phone and check if you where home.
But I'm only afraid that I would scare you away from me.
All I want is to see you smile.
With those beautiful eyes.
I know its true.. Even if you don't see it through.
How bad you ever feel about yourself, I will always see you as you truly are. The beautiful creature I could so easily love.
But I don't want to hurt you since you'r Bulimia has tared you down.
I just wish you'd smile.
Walk with me some murky night.
And give me a hug, before you leave me and say "Good night".

//Jezz 2008-07-17

---

Tears dropped when alone, have they rely made any difference?
Trying to defeat shadows when alone, is there rely a point?
Fighting to fit into ths world, is it worth it if you try to do it all by yourself?
Could I be more alone? No, not at this time.. Only question I can answer tho.

Over & Out //Jezz

Was away

Well, I've been kinda semi-away for a while... And I think that there's a plan, not sure of how it will look like yet... The solution might involve me moving to a bigger city. That or moving to a bigger apartment. And since I refuse to move into another apartment, that only means that I have to get a house to move into. Not sure yet how it will be... But changes has to be made around here if I will ever be able to get my life sorted out.

In other news, I've managed to get one of my friends interested in getting a HTC (Dopod) mobile phone, have to chat with my friend 'mcutecat' about that as soon as she comes online again. Sheesh these time difference..
And met a friend that I had wanted to meet up with for a long, I enjoyed the meeting & the places we visited among the way, and I hope she also had fun, hope to see you again soon. But then more "in person" then this first time.


This was it for today.. Over & out // Jezz

The Promise

The Promise

You told me you where coming home.
Told that all would be ours.
That we would be free from cares.
Together in each others arms.
Forever tied up by your will.
Never lost to wonder alone again.
For this world was for us.

The promises made to last.
The promise laid to grasp.
Her voice so close to my ear.
Forever in this bond my dear.

You told me you where not going to let me go.
Told me our love never could be sold.
That we would be forever.
Never wanting to let go.
Awaiting your every move.
Longing for your joyful mood.

The promises made to last.
The promise laid to grasp.
Her voice so close to my ear.
Forever in this bond my dear.

Your promises was never ment to last.
You shed all kinds of darkness on our past.
Your promises was never ment to last.
You're forever to far away fro my grasp.
Your promises was never ment to last.
You're the original fake.
Your promises was only made to brake.

You said that things would go well,
instead you sent me to hell.
Your promises was never ment to last.
Never ment to last.

Hanging of this cliff close to mine.
The arms to weak to climb.
Thoughts raging blind.
Lost my angel wings this time.
Time only numbs my mind.

Your promises.... where never ment to last....
Forever you shed darkness on my past.

//Jezz 2008-06-11

Lost Within Myself (Again)

(Katharine Isabelle)

Well.... This afternoon didn't start as predicted... Why does life have to tease me? Isn't it enough that my world is in ruins and has been for over a year now? Cant something change to the positive for me just once? Or do I have to suffer like always, only feel a shimmer of hope only to get struck down again, plummeting downwards in this endless hole.
They say, behave or you will go to hell, be good and come to heaven.... How can "they" be so sure that this world we live in now, isn't the very hell "they" spoke of? Just an endless line full of disappointments..

---

My Dark Angel

I Know what I want.
I Know what I need.
But this world wont let me be.
Only lets me bleed.
Only lets me pleed.
Come save me please?!

Bah! Never again, never this pain. Everything remains the same. What keeps me sane?
You perhaps? Or is it me? Or the thing inside of me? What will it be?
Only time will get to see.
Empty promises, empty hugs.
Feels like I cant ever hug you enough.
Cause there's no one there, ever to feel me here.
Only thing left is my lost soul empty to wander someplace over there.

Empty heart, empty faces.
Dying mind that keeps on fading.
All these tears I hide.
All these pain that I subside.
I just can't stand all this agony this world provide.
So I hide inside.

Failed, loved, and loured - my story.

How can I succeed in this mess?
How can I end to bleed regress.
If there's a way, it will wake my interest.
If there's another way, out of this pest.

(Sashi)

Can you let me make one wish? Let this dark angel arrive, and carry me away from this mess.
Let here be notling left, nothing for anyone else to digest.

My dark angel.
Wish I could give you all my love.
Wish I could offer you my life.
Wish I could be your's forever.
Wish I could stay in your arms.
Wish I could carry you with me in my heart.
Wish I could be your world.
Wish I could touch your beautiful soul.
Wish I could be as beautiful as you.
Wish I could surrender my life, give it all to you.
My dark angel.

//Jezz 20080605

---

Type O Negative - My Girlfriend's Girlfriend


All for now, best regards from Ms Jezz to you all..

No Name, No Slogan

Betrayed
This say it all.
To leave the pictures on the wall.
Forever plummet & fall.
Seems like noone ever will hear your call.

You saw my hell.
Promised no to tell.
However you decided it was worth to sell.
Threw me into the cell.

Betrayed my trust, aged chains covered in rust.
Your eyes fooled me twice, you locked me in ice.
Claimed my soul, lost all my goals.
Shivering cold, halo embedded in gold.
All my life is sold.

Longed for your touch.
Now I don't feel much.
Numb and out of reach.
My figure in the mirror is bleached.

Blood flows through.
Stings like acid tho.
Thoughts black like a crow.
Just want to get away from it all now.


Betrayed my trust, aged chains covered in rust.
Your eyes fooled me twice, you locked me in ice.
Claimed my soul, lost all my goals.
Shivering cold, halo embedded in gold.
All my life is sold.

//Jezz 20080601

---

Just trapped beneath this hidious shell.

Something is going on, I can feel it... Am just going insane not to know what the future will tell, or it's just that I'm going straight to hell..

This says it all:

Kosheen - Not Enough Love


Lyrics:

There's not enough, enough love
Enough thought for anybody
Tight as a drum
Sharp as they come
There's not enough love for anybody
Say it, play it tough
It's gonna be, it's gonna be
Rough and ready when you're thrown into touch
There's never enough love for anybody
Not enough, enough love
Enough thought for anybody
Thight as a drum
Sharp as they come
There's not enough love for anybody
Not enough love

Not enough love

There's not enough, enough love
Enough thought for anybody
Tight as a drum
Sharp as they come
There's not enough love for anybody
Now it's down to us, not to rush
Not to push it's fragile, carefully
We fall into line, children first
When it gets to us, there just isn't any
Not enough love, enough love
Enough thought for anybody
Tight as a drum
Sharp as they come
There's not enough love for anybody
Not enough love
Not enough love

---

Thats all for now people.. //Jezz

Lost Sanity

Lost Sanity
Her eyes so clear, her voice so near.
Whispering in my ear.
Black darling, you will be my king.
Black wedding, kiss me & seal with the ring.

Flesh torn from bone, her distant moan.
Pale face in the mirror, staring at me.
An empty face without trust.
False darling, black halo around her neck.
False darling, sticking daggers in my back.

You wished me well, now you wish me hell.
I lost my sanity, I lost my dreams.
You wished me well, now you wish me hell.

Red bright eyes, they sine in the night.
Condemned to this life.
Chains of pain, chains of past.
Chains of claim, woun't keep me sane.

A distant sound, a infected wound.
Distant face with a greedy grin - upon her face!
Shady mistress, no lady in distress.
Shady mistress, all that's left is regrets.

You wished me well, how you wish me hell.
I lost my sanity, I lost my dreams.
You wished me well, now you wish me hell.

You wished me well..
Wished me well..
Now you wish me hell..
Wish me hell..


//Jezz 20080518

---

Carfax Abbey - Cry Little Sister (Cover)


All for now.. Over & out.... //Jezz

Shape Me!

Shape Me
Shadows of a broken past.
Empty chards of colored glass.
Cutting my cold hard veins.
Flowing tears that forever stains.
Searing heartache that tidy remains.

I know what will remain with us.
The narly clay that shapes my bust.
Shape me!
Shape me!
A shallow figure in the mirror.
That's not me.

Witches put their spell on me.
Their words, echo within.
Never to walk this earth again.
Without the thorns in my brain.
Without nothing to keep me sane.

I know what will remain with us.
The narly clay that shapes my bust.
Shape me!
Shape me!
A shallow figure in the mirror.
That's not me.

-Jezz 2008-05-08
Over & out// Jezz.

Lost?

There's something in the air.. I Got this strange feeling again.. Don't know where it comes from.. If I only knew, things would be a lot less difficult.

Hate the feeling in my spine, tells me somethings going on, something good, but I will loose that feeling & that opportunity forever. Escape from me, like it always does.. Can't let that happen again, since I've lost it to many times already.. :-(

---

Best movie evar: Josie & The Pussycats, released in 2001
Clip from the movie seen here:
Josie & The Pussycats - Three Small Words

Of Joy & Sorrow

Of joy & sorrow my dear.
You sit down there, shed your tears.
Drown the world in a flood.
Poison is within your blood.
Addicted to your love.
There's so many things,
that has to be told.

To whoever that might care.
Come to me if you dare.
Nights alone I stare.
This life isn't fare.
Don't know how much more of this i can bare.


Of joy & sorrow my dear.
You don't even know I'm here.
Someday you might read,
these words and shed a single tear.
I just want to hold you near.
Be there for you, with you, love you.
My dear....

Of joy & sorrow...
Of pain & rejoice...
Of life & death...
Until I get to see you again.
Don't know what will remain....

-Jezz 20080504

---

Angelzoom - Fairyland

---

Explanation? Do you rely need one? Well, perhaps not all need that explanation, but I know there's at least a couple of ppl out there that will need to know why..

Simple rely.. There is a person in my general surroundings during the days, that I want to get to know more, alto our "life perception" differs, we might be a match.. Don't know that yet, therefor I have to get to get closer to this person. Have no idea of how that can be done.. Therefore I'm a mix of confusion at the moment.. Should I be bold and go for it? Or should I be patient? Since I'm an expert of being pessimistic, the only feeling that I get is: "It will not happen to me anyways".........
Why you might ask?
Well, it's quite simple rely.. But however.. I can't revel it, the ones who need to know, well... They know it...
This says some of it all.....

Lene Marlin - Unforgivable Sinner


I'm in what feels & seems to be an eternal fall downwards. My only hope is to finally stop this bad spiral so that I can start climbing upwards again, hopefully never to fall again.

Rotersand - One Level Down


Lyrics

Awoke and found myself
Lying on a wooden floor
Thought this had come to an end
I won't be shattered anymore
But the floor slipped to the walls
And had me crashing down again


One level down, another round,
One battle lost, when will I reach the final ground?
One level down, what have I found?
Time and again I'm lying shattered on the ground


Where did I fail, did I go wrong?
There is no crime I could confess
I just keep tossing floor to floor -
This must be purgatory's taste
And as I fall I'm crying out "I do surrender"
I know there is no end, no soil will ever hold me safe

Butterfly

Butterfly

Bad things never cease,
to torment me as it please.
Destroys my soul,
makes me a ghoul.

To ravish in the night,
always alone to fright.
Damned to wander alone,
never to find a home.

--
A face full of scars.
A heart behind bars.
Eyes full of tears.
Whomever I love, I scare.
Away from me.
My dear flee.
Away from me.
Away from me.
--

Big demon eyes,
don't want to tell you lies.
Shields itself from your sight,
your beauty is like bright light.

Clawed demon paw,
reach for your love.
Searching in the darkness,
who will like someone that's heartless?

--
A face full of scars.
A heart behind bars.
Eyes full of tears.
Whomever I love, I scare.
Away from me.
My dear flee.
Away from me.
Away from me.
--

She's a ghost in the night,
always disappears from sight.
A voice in your head,
when you're alone in your bed.

Her smell thrills your senses,
with eyes that leave you breathless.
Want to touch her,
make her mine.
Oh butterfly of my mind.

//Jezz 20080415

Over & out //Jezz

Rose Petals

*===============*
| Rose Petals |
*===============*

Beneath the rose petals,
are some things who needs to be settled.

Stroke the branch of thorns,
while pain blow it horns.


Below the poisoned trees,
we sat down on our knees.

Addicted devotion.
Like leafs in autumn.


With summer sky above,
I said what my heart told.

I rely wanted to behold.
The love who's sold.

Love's like a blade scratching flesh.
The pain feels like a bless.

Yet I long for her love to hold my soul.
Let her steal my heart.

Beneath the rose petals,
are things who need to be settled......

//Jezz 2001.01.12 & ©Copyright.

---

Therion - Birth of Venus Illegitima


Is there something else? Nuff said, over & out //Jezz

Is this what awaits?

Is this the only thing I can look forward to? The Grim Reaper, no I don't fear him, yet I don't want to meet him yet. Still so much incomplete, so much that I want to experience. A Life less lived, is A life wasted.
Replace that figure in the mist. With what you desire, what you want in life. There's no return, there's no way back now. Look forward, move forward. "Never give up, never surrender" - Galaxy Quest
I may be a tough person, where many would have given up, I still move on. Why you might ask?
Don't rely got a good answer to that. But somewhere within, I know that this life will bring me something. All I have to do, is be patient, and move move on after each time I get pinned down.
The 5 best things of my life so far:

• Listening to music & that i got to watch Moonspell Live
• My ex GF (even tho it ended in disaster).
• My true few remaining friends.
• The day I got my driverslicense.
• Fishing with my dad.

The 5 worst things of my life at the moment:

• The fact that I'm living alone.
• My car needs to be repaired.
• Never seem to get enough money for all expences.
  
• The disaster mentioned above.
• Feels like I'm trapped in this corner.

They say that when you die, you get to heaven.... But what if you're all ready dead, and this is hell?
Well, think about it - theres temptation everywhere, everybody's more good looking then you, have better hair, skin or cimilar. We're surrounded by hell.
Don't know what to believe, since it cant get any worse then this.

But, when your life's on the bottom, you can always consult this guy:


Over & out //Jezz

This world

This is so annoying. This life is one disappointment after another. Seems like I'm not allowed to be happy. Not any longer then some hours at a time. Only to be struck down again. Over and over again. It's so tiering, don't want to be part of this anymore. Only want to be happy, share my life with someone that want to share their with mine. Just feels so hopeless, this constant hunt for something that feels so far away. Can I believe in destiny? Älvöga I need a prediction please! Can't stand to spend all this time in search for something that I can't be sure if it will ever happen.. :-P
Seriously tho, my life remains the same. Work work work, eat sleep, work work work.. Hope there will be some positive changes during this week, but hoping will just make me more disappointed when nothing happens and it just begins all over again the next week..
Longing for the weekends, just to sit around doing nothing that matters. All by myself.

Make Me Sleep

Make Me Sleep

There's no other way to say this.
But you sank your teeth in me,
you stole my soul.
Bled me dry,
made me cry.
All I ever wanted,
was to see you happy.
I't seemed so at first.

With tears like an angel,
both pretty & sad.
She was the beautiful one.
But with her hungry eyes she told me lies.
Now make me sleep.

I Offered you my hand.
Only to loose everything I had.
Just wanted to hold you,
untill time stops again.
But now I'm lost out here,
forever this time.

Since I lost my soul,
I cannot feel love again.

That you ever could make me sleep.
That you ever could make me weep
With tears like an angel.
Both pretty & sad.
She was the beautiful one.
But with her hungry eyes she told me lies.
Now make me sleep.
Make me sleep.
Make me sleep.
Sleep.


//Jezz 20080331

(Img from Julia Jeffrey (couldn't find a way to contact you to ask for your permission to publish, but I hope it's ok)).

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I Don't know where to go anymore, feels like I'm walking blind down a small lonely road. That's why I haven't updated the blog in quite some while. Sorry people, right now I just don't got enough energy, I feel completely drained of life. All I want is to brake this spiral. As for now, it just feels like I've struck rock bottom.
Like a desert, all dry and empty. No life in sight. Awaiting rain, so life can grow again.

Ukulele Orchestra of GB - The Good the Bad the Ugly



That will be all for now //Jezz

The Trolls

The Trolls
Our life's wont end.
We move in the dark.
Inside your world.
From the stories you heard.

Feel us in mind.
We scratch inside.
Shed us no tears.
No one cares.

-
We exist to protect.
The world you neglect.
Sit close to me.
They might set us free.
-

We're the forgotten.
Hide in the night.
We'll continue to fight.
To scratch & bite

Screams and fear.
Were always near.
Come and care.
If you dare.

-
We exist to protect.
The world you neglect.
Sit close to me,
they might set us free.
-

You lie in your bed.
With trolls in your head.
You're allready dead.
Nothing more siad.

They feed on your pain.
Evil to gain.
Mess with your brain.
You're left in the rain.


-Jezz 2008.03.19

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Will have this song recorded with some help, if you're lucky I'll post a link to it here.
This will be all for now. //Jezz

Sawdust

"Look at you over There, Ripping the Sawdust from my Teddybear"
- Alice Cooper

---

Sawdust
In this sleepless night.
All I wish is to hold you thight.
Cuddle close, I woun't bite.
Say you will, atlest say you might.
Be with me, in this forsaken night.

Heavy thoughts could my mind.
Hope it all will heal with time.
I wish you will be that kind.
That in your hart, you will find.
To forgive my horrible crime.

You found me in your dreams.
But you didn't love me as deep it seems.
Now I face an eternal fight.
With no hope left in sight.
All of these sleepless nights.

I'm off to my eternal flight.

My love.
Sawdust.
My love.

-Jezz 2008-03-17

So tired

So tired of this all.
One minute it's all there,
the next there's nothing more.
Always a struggle.
To keep my chin over the water.
Yet something keeps pulling me down.
An endless fight.
An endless war.
Yet life seems to be to far.

I Have no energy this week, sleep sleep, work work, sleep sleep, work work.. It never ends. Can't get out of bed in time so that I can update my blog, nor to do any household things that badly needs to be done, cleaning, washing and so on. It's am ess here. And I don't like it..
Still wonder where all my energy went? Felt at the end of last week like I was starting to gain some, but now it's all lost again. It's a mystery.
Well, no time to write more, have to leave for work..

Over & out // Jezz

Mesmerize

I'm lost without your love sorrounding my soul.
I'm lost without your presence here with me.
I'm lost without your smile towards me.
I'm lost without your eyes looking my way.
I'm lost without your hair through my hands.
I'm lost without your skin next to mine
Ether way I try or do, I'm still lost without you.

-Jezz 20080311

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I'm so tired of this feeling inside. Tired of it all. Nothing will ever be the same, I know that. But that it would bee my fault wasn't planned or my intention. Somehow I always screw things up for myself. Why, oh why? Things just keep on repeating. Over and over again. With the horrible pain fallowing in my path. This empty soul, needs to be full.. I'm doubting that it will ever be filled, not with my luck...
With my luck, I'd just have to settle for a small cottage deep inside the woods. Alone, betrayed & depressed.
Can't lie anymore. Cant deny it ether.. I need someone, just dont know where to find her, whoever she is.

Over & out, //Jezz

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Blutengel - A Little Love


Lyrics:

Feeling like a little child.
Crying out for his mother.
I'm sitting here alone,
And i miss you so much.
The funny thing is,
I don't know who you are.
This feeling inside,
Will slowly kill me,
Someday..
I don't know when,
This feeling will go away.
I wash away my tears,
'Cause I don't want nobody to see me cry.
I can't help myself,
As long as I don't know who you are.
This empty space inside my soul,
Is the place for you.
But I realise in every night,
It will be empty forever.

I just want to feel a little love someday..

Wishing

Plummeting downards.
No where in sight.
Lost the will to fight.
The night prevailed,
covered my life in shadow.

Wish there could be,
any love in this life.
Yet sorrow holds my heart,
filling it with despise.

Flashes of hope.
Neglect my thoughts.
Crimson colored.
Always in my heart,
she was my only thought.

Wish there could be,
any love in this life.
Yet sorrow holds my heart,
filling it with despise.

Flashes of searing pain.
Needles flowing through veins.
A beating heart
Pulsating in the dark.
More machine,
then anything.

I Miss you my love,
whoever you are.
Just wish I knew,
who could love me?
There are indeed,
way to few.

-Jezz 20080310

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The Crüxshadows - Dragonfly


Lyrics:

"Don't ask me to surrender"
Her voice fell tired and spent
"My hopes and dreams, a silent heart
I carry here within"

her outstretched wings, left tattered
A sail aged with rust
"a breath in time, that's yours and mine...
it belongs to only us."

And I will write her name and cast it to the sky
silhouettes recede into a mother's tearful eyes
a host of angels clamor to her side
a light dissolves to kiss the wind,
release the dragonfly.

See the rose within the field of white
She's searching for the grail
but the rain descends to snatch the light
from distant dying suns
a faint resounding in the night
calls angels wings to beat
singing silent lip-sewn songs
but the distance is too deep...

And I will write her name and cast it to the sky
silhouettes receded into a mother's tearful eyes
a host of angels clamor to her side
a night dissolved to kiss the wind
release the dragonfly

And I will write her name and cast it to the sky
as precious moments will slip away in time
angels fall from grace, and sometimes heroes die
but tonight, my love, ascend the gates,
release the dragonfly

sometimes angels fall, but love will never die
"tonight my soul is something more" -
calls the dragonfly."

Speechless & Blind

Speechless and blind, thoughts screaming in my mind.

Remember never to do this one more time.
Always hurts more when it's a crime.

Will not fall into this trap again, need to keep sane.
She was a demon who kept me trapped with pain.
Nothing will ever be the same again.

Speechless and blind, thoughts screaming in my mind.

All I wish is that i could make it all rewind.
Try it all over just one more try.

Just want someone the help me with my life.
Perhaps even to be my wife?
Still no one have heard my cries.

-Jezz 2008.03.07

In this case, the beast killed the beauty. Unfortunately.. Time will tell if the beast only killed another beast to create a beauty. The story will go on.

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LAB - Beat The Boys

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Over & Out // Jezz

Strange

This could be me... If I was pretty that is.. But still close.. Like the blue hair color. Brings out the eyes more. If it was possible.
I Feel.... Something... Don't know what it is yet.. Will try to find out.. Is there someone out there that sends me energy that I do not know off? I'm not used to this, so be careful. - Or in another case, it might just be my searing back pain that's worse then usual projecting pain through my weakened soul.

---

Sweet nothing.
Then I See her face,
only to be gone without a trace.
Empty memories,
empty faces.
Everywhere I go there's fences.

Angry men pointing, laughing.
Telling me to go places.
Depressed and tired,
I only stare at their stupid faces.

She crawled inside my brain,
there you will remain.
Untill I'm finally sane.
Free of all this pain.

-Jezz 2008.03.06


Over & out for mow, sleep well.. I know I wount.. //Jezz

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