Am I Forsaken?

Hm, things haven't quite turned out as planned.. . Yet that is. More time will hopefully tell. As for now, I can only wait and hope that some major changes can be made before all hope has left me. Hope.. They say that hope is the left thing that leaves a human.. I Can only agree as for now. Don't be sad for me, and don't even for a second believe that I have, or even will, give up. I'm far to stubborn for quitting. "Never give up, never surrender!" - Galaxy Quest

Thing's are still the same, that's why I don't enter a post here every day, seems like I just type the same things over and over again. I would be happy to have something new, something positive to tell just for once... Yet there's only pain & suffering that are scratched down in this miserable blog. Most people who just by accident end up here and read this will just think that I am "another EMO".. Well, perhaps you're right, or perhaps you're miserably wrong? If I am EMO - I would be the grand mother of it. I've been around since long before that term ever was founded.. I've carried this pain longer then you can imagine, and probably longer then you've lived. An eternal searing pain. Yes indeed... I do not cut myself, since I discovered that physical pain don't end any psychic - it only numbs it. Better to try to deal with it.

Went to a psychiatrist just some time ago... They wanted to put me on anti depressive medication.. Perhaps I am depressive, but if I am, I've been depressive for way to long, don't know if its that bad.. I don't want any medication.. They just want the "easy fix", you CANT fix me just with some pills, hope you get that! This is way much deeper, that I do know for myself. Dont need anyone to tell me that. I Can tell them what's wrong.. The question is: Will they listen?

---

The Dreamside - Forsaken



Lyrics:
Am I forsaken?
Am I forsaken?

Let there be lights
heaven's too delight
Let there be sights
For all is lost now

Light from darkness
Back it's bright
here we stand now
Hold me tight

I saw the sign
For she has foretold
and she has forseen
Am I forsaken?

I don't regret it
and I don't deny
For I saw dark
Am I forsaken?
(forsaken)

What death may bring
My soul is drowning
Are we trespassing?
Or here to dwell in this house of pain?
Going and Staying

Light from darkness
Back it's bright
Here we stand now
Hold me tight

I saw the sign
For she has foretold
and she has forseen
Am I forsaken?

I don't regret it
and I don't deny
For I saw dark
Am I forsaken?
(forsaken)

Am I forsaken?
Hoooo
Am I forsaken?

I saw the sign
For she has foretold
and she has forseen
Am I forsaken?

I don't regret it
and I don't deny
For I saw dark
Am I forsaken?
(forsaken)

Oh ho
Oh ho
Am I forsaken?

Am I forsaken?

Whoever you are

Somewhere out there ou are, looking, perhaps even waiting for me to find you.. Or perhaps you're searching?
Ether way, all that can be done, is for me to wait, search, and beg to witch ever power that rules this world, that the day we finally meet will come soon.
It's hard to live in my own personal hell, my own private prison. Need someone to share my life with real soon.. I'm already slowly dying emotionally, the little monster inside that hurts so much, slowly devours it, leaves me numb.. I just want to reach inside, grab that little monster and tare him out of his prison, make my soul free.. But each time I try, he's already hiding away from my reach. Chewing on what remains of my soul.

Drink up what's left of my soul, it's already lost anyway.

---

SCHWEIN - You're My Disease

Lyrics (Original Japanese):
Kanjiteru no wa kurutteru ecstasy
Kura yami temaku omae no me ni
Roeku ai nikku wo motome kokoro ni tsumetate zutazuta ni

Just like you do as you please
You're my disease
Just like you do as you please
Ore wo kitasu
Barairo ga nagareru omae wa midare
Just like you do as you please
You're my disease

Itami hashiru kizuguchi wa nai
Omae wa gokushou no emi ukabe
Soko nashi no ai oboeteiku nani mo kanjinai sekai made

Just like you do as you please
You're my disease
Just like you do as you please
Ore wo kitasu
Barairo ga nagareru omae wa midare
Just like you do as you please
You're my disease
Just like you do as you please
Omae wa midare
Just like you do as you please
Ore wo kitasu
Barairo ga nagareru omae wa midare
Just like you do as you please
Ore wo kitasu

Kanjiteru no wa kurutteru ecstasy
Kura yami temaku omae no me ni
Roeku ai nikku wo motome kokoro ni tsumetate zutazuta ni

Just like you do as you please
You're my disease
Just like you do as you please
Ore wo kitasu
Barairo ga nagareru omae wa midare
Just like you do as you please
You're my disease
Just like you do as you please
Omae wa midare
Just like you do as you please
Ore wo kitasu
Barairo ga nagareru omae wa midare
Just like you do as you please
Ore wo kitasu

Lyrics (Translation English):
The thing that I feel is crazy ecstasy
Darkness to your eyes tempting me
The crawling love with seeking dirty flesh
nail is scratching the heart violently

Just like you do as you please
You're my disease
Just like you do as you please
Disgrace me
Flowing rose color and you are going mad
Just like you do as please
You're my disease
Just like you do as you please
you are going mad
Just like you do as you please
Disgrace me
Flowing rose color and you are going mad
Just like you do as you please
Disgrace me

I don't have wound which hurts and runs
You are smiling supremely
The endless love
I'm drunk, faint, drown and falling into the world where I feel so numb

Sundown

Sundown - Slither


Lyrics:
your poison is like honey for my soul
that sweet sedative venom makes me whole
pale horizons coming down
nothing but a stranger in this...

lights keep shifting
floating patterns across my face
orbs still dripping
a salty cure for bitter days
slither slowly
pass the sadness across the room
slither gently
shaping god within the gloom

time keeps passing
like ashes riding on the storm
faith keeps failing
under siege of the locust swarm
lead is melting
slithers down my silver skin
hope is dying
it opens up what hides within

---

Could this be me?

Yes in deed, "your poison is like honey for my soul".. I Can't be without whoever you are. Wherever you are.
"That sweet sedative venom makes me whole".. Yes, and Its missing form my life, makes me incomplete, non functional. I'm generally a kind soul, but with the lack of this somehow I get very unpleasant.... I'm Sorry, I can't help myself.... With pain comes rage unfortunatly... :-(

Someone at work threatened to punch me (yet it was playful tho, not agressive), but stopped the fist in front of my face and said; "That would have broken your nose"
Frankly, I couldn't care less if it had happened, physical pain is a lot more easy to deal with... This pain inside tares me down from within, no wounds no scars, only an eternal pain gnawing on my inner feelings in a way that cannot be treated by medication, doctors or band aids... Only one solution, just to bad that solution has to take time, every second, minute, hour, day, week, month - hurts badly, twisting out my energy through a searing pain.
The eternal wait, for the one to whom I belong.......


Over & out// Jezz

Never leave

Nuff said


Lyrics:
I want to hold you to the sun
I want to be your faithful one
I want to show you all the beauty
You don't even know you hold
I'm hurting you for your own good
I'd die for you - you know I would
I'd give up all my wealth
To buy you back the soul you never sold
I want to mix our blood
And put it in the ground
So you can never leave
I want to earn your trust
Your faith your heart
You'll never be deceived

Liar Liar Liar Liar

I want to heal you pretty sweet
I'll throw rose petals at your feet
I'll spend eternity
Comparing all my poetry to yours
I want to see love through your eyes
you'll never have to compromise
I'd give up all my fame
To fight your demons and your bloody wars

Are you suffering?
Are you suffering?
Are you suffering?
Are you suffering?
Are you suffering?
Show me your suffering
I want your beautiful suffering
I want to see your pain
Are you suffering?
Show me your suffering
I want your beautiful suffering
I want it
I want it


I want to mix our blood
And put it in the ground
So you can never leave
I want to earn your trust
Your faith your heart
You'll never be deceived
I want to mix our blood
And put it in the ground
So you can never leave
I want to earn your trust
Your faith your heart
You'll never be deceived

Liar Liar Liar Liar

I want to mix our blood
And put it in the ground
So you can never leave.

---

Over & Out // Jezz

What will stand?

There's a thin line between hate & love.
The earth move beneath my feet, my world stopped turning years ago.
Leafs fall to the frozen ground all dead and brittle.
They say; Things has to get worse, before they can get better.
How much worse does it has to get?
Once you're higher then air, you're struck down, thrown to the ground.
Taking forever to get back up there.To get that 60 second feeling of freedom.

When this love found me, I thought it would never fall apart.
That her feelings where mine. That we would be togeather forever.
But the world closed it's eyes towards our love.
Left me in darkness, witout a chance to make our love stick.
All I could do was to silently stand and watch.
While the earth beneath me fell away, leaving an deep dark cave.
Into it I fell. Still falling, still calling.

If I'm ever found again, we'll see. Done to much work to hide. Done to much work to flee. To much work onto building something that never could be. Now it's time to release, and set me free.

---

Emilie Autumn - Shalott

(Yes, I actually cried the first couple of times I heard this song, almost too beautiful.. //Jezz )

Shalott lyrics

She's locked up with a spinning wheel
She can't recall what it was like to feel
She says, "This room's gonna be my grave
And there's no one who can save me,"
She sits down to her colored thread
She knows lovers waking up in their beds
She says, "How long can I live this way
Is there no one I can pay to let me go
'Cause I'm half sick of shadows
I wanna see the sky
Everyone else can watch as the sun goes down
So why can't I

Chorus:
And it's raining
And the stars are falling from the sky
And the wind
And the wind I know it's cold
I've been waiting
For the day I will surely die
And it's here
And it's here for I've been told
That I'll die before I'm old
And the wind I know it's cold..."

She looks up to the mirrored glass
She sees a horse and rider pass
She says, "This man's gonna be my death
'Cause he's all I ever wanted in my life
And I know he doesn't know my name
And that all the girls are all the same to him
But still I've got to get out of this place
'Cause I don't think I can face another night
Where I'm half sick of shadows
And I can't see the sky
Everyone else can watch as the tide comes in
So why can't I

Chorus

But there's willow trees
And little breezes, waves, and walls, and flowers
And there's moonlight every single night
As I'm locked in these towers
So I'll meet my death
But with my last breath I'll sing to him I love
And he'll see my face in another place,"
And with that the glass above

Her cracked into a million bits
And she cried out, "So the story fits
But then I could have guessed it all along
'Cause now some drama queen is gonna write a song for me,"
She went down to her little boat
And she broke the chains and began to float away
And as the blood froze in her veins she said,
"Well then that explains a thing or two
'Cause I know I'm the cursed one
I know I'm meant to die
Everyone else can watch as their dreams untie
So why can't I

Chorus

Chorus


That's all, over & out.. // Jezz

Experiment

Listen to this song, post comments on what you think about it, and what you feeling's that it awakes in you. Don't be afraid, it's just an experiment.. And don't be afraid to tell your first feelings that awakens of it.

Well..

Two things. Then I'm out of here..

First:

The Cranberries - No Need To Argue



And, Finally:

Dilba - I'm Sorry


Over & out for now...

Diamond in the rough

A little now and then I stumble uppon gold, that I find a diamond. This was of sure a long time ago, but I think it's time to share. I am speaking of a band named Kosheen, from Great Britain. Their sound is different, new, wonderful.. You have to hear for yourselves.
I first herd this band in 2002-2003, didn't think very much about them back then, but as most bands that re different, they grew on me. Now it's up to you to hear for your self if its for you or not, but dont be to quick to judge, most great music has to grow in your mind before you decide. If you just let the easy listened - mind controlling - music rule your world, it's time to take a step back and rethink what music rely is about.

Hosheen - Hide U


Kosheen - Catch