*Scream*

Trapped inside this prison, almost beyond reach. Is there any way to feel free? Not at this moment I'm afraid. But surley I awaite what the future holds.


Todays Treat:

Mylene Farmer - Fuck Them All




Lyrics:

"Nature is changing
Breathing as they lie
In a destructive way
Nature is a killer

During the good times
So much success
For the man who has behind him
A mistress who's busy

Making for themselves an empire
Blood and tear
Making love to Marie
Blood and tear
And Marie is a martyr
Blood and tear
On the wall our sighs

Fuck them all!
Make love, we'll make war, our vices reversed
Fuck them all!
Make love, we'll make war, bleed our hell
Fuck them all!
Blood and soul!
We'll go soft on paper
Blood is sex!

With an innocent nature
They handle elegance
A double-edged sword pierces us
The words too verbose
nothing but rhetoric!
The usual cowardice
That makes us warriors

Make for themselves an empire
Blood and tear
Make love to Marie
Blood and tear
And Marie is a martyr
Blood and tear
On the wall our sighs

Fuck them all!
Make love, we'll make war, our vices reversed
Fuck them all!
Make love, we'll make war, bleed our hell
Fuck them all!
Blood and soul!
We'll go soft on paper
Blood is sex!

Hey bitch, you're not on the list
You witch! You suck! You bitch!
They said
Hey bitch, you're not on the list
You witch! You suck! You bitch!
They said
Hey bitch, you're not on the list
What's your name again ?

Hey bitch, you're not on the list
You witch! You suck! You bitch!
Hey bitch, you're not on the list
Hey bitch, you're not on the list
You bitch, you're not on the list
You witch! You suck! You bitch!

Fuck them all!
Make love, we'll make war, our vices reversed
Fuck them all!
Make love, we'll make war, bleed our hell
Fuck them all!
Blood and soul!
We'll go soft on paper
Blood is sex!

FUCK THEM ALL !
FUCK THEM ALL !
FUCK THEM ALL !
BLOOD AND SOUL !
FUCK THEM ALL!"

Afraid.

Strange how we are constantly encuraged to be ourselves - yet we are still afraid to show who we realy are?
Who am I to complain on another person's sexuality? Just about as much as someone has the "right" to complain to me about mine. Sounds easy and not that complicated? Everything is so much easyer just by talking or thinking about it, doing - now there we have something completly different.
Things might have been a lot better if it had been official a long time ago? I dont know, and ohnestly I dont want to think about it neather.
Instead I hide, shadowing myself from the world, the people that realy need to know, to be able to help. I can never be healed as long as my life stays like this.
How come we fear to be ourselves? Why is it so hard? It's just words? It's just one world, one life. It have to get worce before it can get any better as far as i know - well about now I've reached rock bottom. Lets see if there's a way out.

---

Metallica - The Unforgiven

---

Metallica - Unforgiven II

Forever silenced

My world my pain trapped inside, trouth will never surface. The people that have done bad things get away with it, while i get scared for life, and even more silent in my torture of what's called life.

I'm sorry that i dont write more often, there isn't enough energy for me to do so as things are right now. I wish i could.
I am num, almost dead inside, sure i walk, breatheand look quite alive/happy, that couldn't be far more from the trooth.. If you dont know anything of why, I want it to stay that way.

I never wanted it to be this way, it wasn't completely my choice. How odd it may sound.

---

Anathema - Empty

" Empty vessel under the sun wipe the dust
From my face another morning black Sunday
Coming down again empty vessel empty veins
Empty bottle wish for rain that pain again
Wash the blood off my face the pulse from
My brain and I feel that pain again

I'm looking over my shoulder 'cos millions
Will whisper I'm killing myself again maybe
I'm dying faster but nothing ever last I
Remember a night from my past when I was
Stabbed in the back and its all coming
Back and I feel that pain again

I abhor you I condemn you 'cos this pain
Will never end you got away without a
Scratch and now you're walking on a lucky
Path I have to laugh but you'd better watch your back

There's pathetic opposition they're the
Cause of my condition ill be coming back
For them I've a solution for this sad
Situation nothing left but to kill myself
Again because I'm so empty"

Naptime?

Mylene Farmer - C'est une belle journée
(English translation of lyrics song title "Its A Beautiful Day")


Laying down, the body is dead,
For Thousands it is a man who sleeps,
Half full, is the amphoria,
Yet half empty, it is seen so effortlessly
To see life, from one angle (literally: the tail side of a coin)
Oh philosophy, speak to me of elegies.
Happiness, it frightens me,
To have so many desires,
And my heart murmurs, so ...

(Chorus)

It's a beautiful day,
I'm going to bed,
Such a beautiful day, that is ending,
Gives one the desire to love, but, I'm going to bed,
To sink my teeth into eternity,
It's a beautiful day,
I'm going to bed,
Such a beautiful day, so regal,
Gives, A desire for peace,
To see angels at my feet, but,
I'm going to bed, to make myself beautiful ...

Laying down, the body is dead,
For Thousands it is a man who sleeps,
Half full is the amphoria,
Yet half empty, is how I still see it,
All is said, since when it comes to love,
When things get heavy,
If the heart is light, the elegies flow, always,
The pleasures, those that last, those that don't,
You see my love,
I'm out of breath, you see...

(Chorus)

Beautiful,
Life is beautiful
Like a wing,
That one should not crease,
Beautiful,
Life is beautiful,
And I go there,
Beautiful,
Life is beautiful,
But mine ...
Her, I enter her,
Mortal one, go... (nuance: be free)

(Chorus)

Whats there to say?

Can you love someone without eaven knowing how she looks? Can you feel something diffrent with her if its so?
How do I know if you do want me for who I really am? The nutcase of flesh that in fact gesture 'me'. "The Figure In The Mirror's Not Me" has it's true meaning here.

L'âme Immortelle - Figure In The Mirror



Bad live video, but the lyrics are:

" Every time you put this mask on your face
A little piece of your soul dies away

The figure in the mirror's not me
A different reality
It's just a picture that you see
From my true self, I do flee

What I feel and what I see
I do through eyes of an enemy
Forced by powers pushing me
Resulting in fear and misery

I change myself to fit the needs....
During this Mutation my heart bleeds
Trying to adjust to Society
Not anymore I want to be free

The figure in the mirror's not me
A different reality
It's just a picture that you see
From my true self, I do flee

Only a few could break the shell
Surrounding my soul's polluted well
Drink from it and you will see
All the pain that rests in me

It's like Pandora's box
With a number of haunted locks
The one who sees deep inside
knows all the feelings I do hide

The figure in the mirror's not me
A different reality
It's just a picture that you see
From my true self, I do flee

Once you took a look inside of me
You decide between joy and misery
If you abuse the things you know

The figure in the mirror's not me
A different reality
It's just a picture that you see
From my true self, I do flee"

---

There are not much to say, I'm a fraud within myself, a lie if you want. I dont deserve any diffrent treatment then anyone else. I just wish I could be me.



I don't belong here..... But?.... Where do I belong then? Can anyone tell me beafore I'm going insane?

Hold your darling.

Sorry Wing, but this song and this video are for me artwork, the blood dont disturb me when it's art. The beauty in it all, is the lyrics, they tell a tale beyond the red liquid. I hope you can oversee this video, but I reccomend that you atleast read the lyrics, altho without the music the lyrics falls a bit to much out of place.

I have lost my words, lost my hope. All that is needed to be told is in this song, these lyrics. Altho you might have to be logged in (and above 18) to watch this video.

:Wumpscut: - Hold
(Fan video)


Time, your time
It fades away
I feel, my time
My life, runs out

So hold, you darling
Your darling, in your arm
Because, it leaves
Very soon, soon

Dance, agian
With me, and we
Will find, and end
For al,l I call

Leaving

This might be

All things aren't as they seem, people aren't what they appear to be. Experience this to many times and you loose all hope in mankind. Dont ask me why, dont ask me how, I wount awnser.
I miss my cat, my Kitty. Trying to move on, but who can ever fill her shoes? Hard to explain thisone also, there is just to much pain involved. Hope is all that is left.

Yes I want to be pretty. Strange how you always want to look like someone else, have another haircolour, have a better life. Im a sucker for the goth look, even if I'm blonde myself.

That's all for now.

Music

Thankfully I've got my music, without it there is no reason to exist. It's the only thing that keep me sane right now. How sad it might sound.. Well, even if i didn't have my music i would still stay among the living, if not only to bug the crap out of some of ya'll.

Even if every tune of every song that I listen to erminds me of my once so beloved shadowy figure in this world. I cant help myself from going there like a bee to honey.. I must feel what I once felt, the last time when I got to hold you in my arms. The thing that hurts the most, is that it isn't you that I can hold in my arms like you promised, like I hoped. I gave you my life, my secrets, my soul.. And you had to turn your back.... I just want to cry.. And believe me I do, safley inside where noone can se my pain, my loss, my grief. There was nothing I could have done, eaven if you might think so my dear.. It feels like you lost your love cause you might have thought that there still was something that I could have done diffrent. Someday you will understand that there was no way for me to do that.

"I'm crawling past my younger years, shedding all of my biggest tears.
Loosing everything that I once had in mind, when it yet was so close to find."
-Jezz -071105

Hungry Lucy - Stay

I come through the door
You're not sitting by the table
Anymore
I look away
Can't hold this image in my mind
I wish I was blind
To the hope your face will bring

Why should I
Keep this guilt wrapped up in chains
Pain again
'Cause my heart's not made that way
We can be
Just as close if I am far away
Love you enough
To stay ... to stay

Oceans of love
Fill my empty heart
And I wonder
Would it always be the same
Carry me inside
These feelings will not die
You'll be with me forever

Why should I
Keep this guilt wrapped up in chains
Pain again
'Cause my heart's not made that way
We can be
Just as close if I am far away
Love you enough
To stay ... to stay

Why should I
Keep this guilt wrapped up in chains
Pain again
'Cause my heart's not made that way
We will be
Just as close though I am far away
I loved you enough
To stay ... to stay