Sick

http://www.elfwood.com/art/k/b/kbradley/shyls_fever_dream.jpg.html

Quote taken from the link mentioned above:
" This is at the point in the RP where Shyl is so close to death and sick with poison it has caused a fever.. He lies in a grassy field among the tall trees, unable to move.. The spirit of his love Hanna cuddles in his arms, wanting to offer comfort in any way she can.. Shyl feels that death would be better than to return to the pain of life without the one he loves near to him.. He does not die, but he comes close. "

Oh yeah I came close, yet still I had no "spirit" to hold me, still don't. They say "Alone is the stongest", these days i somewhat agree. But still I'd rather not die alone. I only get a taste of how it's like to be happy... Only to immediately be struck down back into my dark hole. To answer your question, "have you ever been truly happy?".. I Can only say, that i honestly don't know, don't believe that I've ever have so far, only a small taste here and there, only to end up with a more miserable life then before.
And so far I don't know if I can manage to save myself from here. My most hope is that someone finds me and carries me out of here. Got to be a brave soul, and that's not easy to find.

---

Cranberries - Promises

---

As a scarecrow I could have fun.
I Could make them all run.
Cuddle up in fear.
Noone would dare to look at me.

Over & Out //Jezz

Time Pending

Taking the walk of shame.
Is there anyone left to blame?
Nothing ever remains the same.
Still hear her whisper my name.

Is there a solution to this all?
There are no writhing on the wall.
Still waiting for your call.
Meanwhile I stumble and fall.

-Jezz 080127

---

Ace Of Base - Waiting For Magic (Sry no vide just still's)




Over & out // Jezz

Sinking

She made me flee into the dark.
To the mountains I fled.
Away from it all.
I found a cave,
where I can hide from myself.
Wither in memory of her grace.
The one I loved the most.
Even when I shut my eyes,
I see her face.
Every time.

When she looked at me,
with her pretty eyes.
I Had no idea,
that she was a vixen in disguise.
I do miss everything I once had,
And now it's lost,
all gone bad.
Did I do wrong?
I Never ment you harm.
Cause with you is where my heart belong.
Where there's pain,
someone sings my song.

I cry in vain,
nothing remains the same.
I always have to fail this game.
Over and over again.
Only thing that remain,
is yet more pain.

//Jezz -080126

---

There is nothing more needed to be told. Things are what they are, the past cant be changed.
Can't forget, no i wount forget.

Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come To An End)



Static-X - So


Over & Out //Jezz

Analyze this!

Today I'm not gonna "whine" about me, today I'm gonna 'analyze' some lyrics from the swedish group "The Knife", not that I dislike their musick, on the contrary, I like it. The lycics are showin in italic and my comments in reguar text like ususal.

To hear the song, look at this fanvideo (no couldn't find the original video if there is one), even tho it's a good fan video for once:

The Knife - Got 2 Let U



And here are the lyrics then:

Vers 1.
Fuu!
I got to got to let you down
But in an hour I will change my mind.
I got to got to let you down
But in an hour I will change my mind.
-

Hehe, yes this sounds almost to familiar, people change their minds a bit to rapidly sometimes. Wich can have dire consequences.

It taste like magic to me
Making mistakes and be forgiven
easely.
It taste like magic to me
Making mistakes an be forgiven
easely (easely).

Hah! Like that's reality, feels like you get forgiven far to seldom. One mistake, and it will stay with you forever.. Or is that only as it feels?

Vers 2.
Fuu!
I know she lets me down
but just for a short while then
she changes her mind.
I know she lets me down
but just for a short while then
she changes her mind.

Hmm, so here it's the female's who makes the mistakes, don't think there's a difference, men do about the same mistakes, perhaps not in the same field/area tho.

She does it all the time
Making mistakes and then I
need some why.

Well, yes.. When someone has made a 'mistake' you would like tho know why don't you?

She does it all the time
But she´s so pretty and I
don´t mind
-

Haha, oh yes haven't we seen this far to many times, the world is a lot more kind and forgiving to beautiful and/or famous people.. :-(

Vers 1.
..got to let you down, got to let you down.
I got to let you down, got to let you down.

Vers 2.
..she does it all the time
Making mistakes and then I
need some why.

She does it all the time
but she´s so pretty and I
don´t mind.

she does it all the time
Making mistakes and I
need some why

She does it all the time
but she´s so pretty and I
dont mind.

---

Over & out. //Jezz

Insane

What if it's worse then that?

I dont know myself anymore. Is this how it's supposed to be? Why do I have to go through all this pain and suffering? Due to my actions, I've gone to hell. Yes I mean it, might not look like it. But believe me, it's worse then hell.. Always a constant pain, searing through my veins. Like if they where filled with acid. "It burn's us." so to speak.

Left alone in this puddle to slowly drown.
Wish it wasn't my own.
Have to deal with myself.
See what will become.
Is there something that can be done,
with this empty burnt out shell?
Whenever it will be done.
I want nothing to be left undone.
Want it all to be new.
A new outer self.
To cope with the feeling's I have.

---

Enough said.

---

The Dreamside - Open your eyes



(Cover) Moby - That's when I reach for my revolver



Over & out for now... // Jezz

Hollow eye's

I've got two set's of eyes,
one is bleeding, one is blind.

---

Hehe, cool picture isn't it? I would love to be able to do such makeup.. Altho i can't, to little practice, to little time. And no! I Don't got enough time to practice even on the simplest makup, to much work and other things going on right now, it feels like there's no time left for myself anymore. Always doing something, yet nothing. Complicated.. Don't ask..

I wish there could be something more to this. I'm stuck in a loop, always the same. All this suffering, all this pain. I know, and I try to stop, to write something else... But there's nothing else worth mentioning going on in my life. All I do is work, eat and barley sleep. Yes I don't sleep as I could. Even my sleeping pills don't work as they could.. I don't work properly.. Total chaos, total emotional armageddon... I am getting worried that I never will feel anything again.

---

Everlast - I Can't Move

---

I am still lost without you. Still lost within myself.
Still long for the day that will never come.
Still hope, for something's that long gone.



If only this could be me.
Even sad, still pretty.
Dark and gloomy.
Lonely with me tears.

Over & out.. //Jezz

Days don't end.

A friend in need, is a friend indeed.. / A Friend with breasts and all the rest, A friend who's dressed in leather.
Oh well, where's my friend who's like that?? O.o *looks around*
*Finds noone*
Oh, well... I believe.... Whats ment to be, will take away my misery.....
And oh i am miserable right now, no no, don't pitty me.. I get along for now. Just tired of it all. Never do I get something that will last for life. That's all I want... I thought I had it, but I lost everything.
Love is a harsh game... It don't matter however I try to turn it - I always end's up as the looser in the end.
I will look for my Luna, my Nemi forever as it seem's... Beautiful picture tho isn't it? :-)

---

Today, I will just mention an old - but in no ways forgotten - writer.. William Shakespeare, wrote so many poems and playwrights that are worth to mention, but I will just lik to "his" page on Wikipedia so whoever that's interested can read for temselves.

---

Today's treat:
Placebo - Pure Morning



(Note: That me: Jezz never have taken any drugs, I play it clean! And I do not under any circumstances want anyone else to try, or use them)

That's all for today, Jezz says goodnight to everyone (or you two who reads my blog, thanks for your time).

Everything But Nothing

I'm a monster, with butterfly wings.
I'm a victim, with destroyed dreams.
I was once a proud soul.
Untill temptation used it's tool.


Destroyed my world.
All that's left is mobid.
Hiding from light, disformed.
To ever find happynes somone forbid.


Staying on my shelf.
Awaithing something to be dealt.
Forever blocked in my path.
Untill death do me part.


Why can't I be happy?
Why can't i reach through it all?
Why can't there be a solution?
Witout loosing it tall.


I wish I could be happy.
I wish I cuold have it all.
Is there a way to find you?
To be with whoever you are?


I want you to know this.
That whenever you're here.
I want to be like you.
Whatever you say.

You're all so pretty.
When I'm just an ogre.
Staring at you out of my mind.
Scaring you blind.


I want you to know this.
Before I loose control.
I want to be your convict.
Trapped in your soul.



Will continue marching.
Untill I can look in you'r eyes.
For I will continue reacing,
searching for your hand.

// Jezz -080117

---

A cover of Radiohead - Creep
Preformed by Scarling (not the original video, it's a fan-edit) - Jessicka Fodera - one of my 'idols'. An TRUE idol to adore.



Lycics:

Radiohead - Creep

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...
run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

Shaman..

The Shaman or as it's also called Shamanism.
The shaman can be both male or female and if you read about them you might find one or two things a bit interesting. Mostly the shamanism practice is done to communicate with spirits in general, there are loads if different ways to do so I don't have the time to write all about this so I will just give you the link to Wikipedia's page about this subject for your own reading if you are interested.

I must mention that some of the 'tribes' I admire is the native people of USA so called "Indians" and Australia, called "Aburiginals". Lived of the land, and was greatful to the spirits for giving them the food they need. Just to take one example, the Cheyenne tribe. Can't help but be fashinated by these tribes, their crafts and how they lived of the land. It's a true shame that the "white man came" and took their land, and by that, their way of life away from them.

Shaman stones from the "Raven Moonlight" webstore.

To cut to the chase & round it up, I have to mention one of the swedis present day "shamans", Iodine Jupiter, wich is the treat for today, among with another great old song.

So frist, I present - Iodine Jupiter and the song "Stäm Blod", translation of lyrics will follow below.

(This translation is just made by me, perhaps not that accurate keep that in mind)
Iodine Jupiter - Summon Blood
Sorcery speaking thought - buria balta bloria.
Sorcery speaking thought - buro berto beriora,
Take blood from your wound and write a paper note "buro berto beriora" and throw uppon the fire.
I say these words to you "Summon blood",
There stood a tree on zion's mountain, under it stood a man, in the shadow of it's stem.
Take bark from that stem and putt oppun your wound so shall there stand uppon three names, god father the son and the holy spirit, blood stand blood,
so through satan grease his shoe behind hell's wall an sunday morning.
ABO BINDA I bind their hands,
KABO LINDA I bind their teeth,
TABO VINDA I bind their liver,
ABO BINDA I bind their lung,
KABO LINDA I bind their tounge,
TABO VINDA I summon you in blood.
I Give you a belief.
Sorcery speaking thought - buria balta bloria
Sorcery speaking thought - buro berto beriora.
Take blood from your wound and write a paper note "buria balta bloria" and throw uppon the fire...


(There, and no I am not christian or by any other religion tied, I am my own spirit and thank the one's I deal with personally not by some other name.)

---

And as an bonus an classic, Pink Floyd with their great song "Brick in the wall".

Fascinating

There will be nothing more done,
Nothing more will become.
When the darkness overcome
All that will be.
All that we will ever see.
Yet to few cares.


Preform the ritual of life, ritual of passage.
Never more to exist in it's first true form.
Yet still a long way to walk.
Long path to pass.
Before I can reach it all.
There's nothing less.
That can clear up this mess.
/Jezz -080115

Over & out

In..

In silence i await what will become of me. Nothing left but pain from my past life. I wonder if I ever will be able to feel happy. Yeah sure, i can be happy, look happy, but within it's still a bleeding scar, a tortured soul.
No things aren't rely that bad. I'm not that depressed, or lonly.. But perhaps it's in the area where I rely need someone that I lack understanding, and perhaps more?

---

Art, I love art. Unfortunatly I can't paint.. I can do other artistic things, altho I do not master them. I would love to be able to put my pain into pictures. Only three alternatives therer, ether i get super good at painting - not gonna happen.. Or I learn to make 3D images on computer - might happen.. Or the final alternative, I work on getting a good photographer - will most likly not happen nether since I don't got anyone who wants to be a model, I cant both stand in front of and behind the camera now can I?

---

Todays treat: Comedy sketch with an swedish commedian - Robert Gustavsson as "The Ambassador". Enjoy.

I'm a...

I'm a monster..

Crouching, hiding from the light. Well, perhaps not that bad, but atlest not as good as the picture, if that where the case I'd be happy being a "monster".. Relentless of what ppl say, fokes will always look at me in disgrace. Not all, I know. But most unfortunatly. People are not that understanding of what they do not know.

Half cat by birth and half "I do not know".. :-P

---

This is the treat for today, Delerium - Aria

Im dissolved.

"Did I do wrong?
I Never ment you harm.
Cause with you is where my heart belong.
Yet still, you will never hear my song.

Her demon claws cut right through me.
Stole my heart, never let me be.
She stole my identity in a dream.
Took away my entire life as it seem.

Did I do wrong?
I tried to write you this song.
I thought you would long.
Just like i did wait for you to belong.

Did I do wrong?

Did I do??.... wrong....
Still miss you
Right or wrong?"

//Jezzz -080110

---

My world went out with a bang.

---

http://www.aftonbladet.se/kvinna/article1596739.ab

Todays subject is conserning the article above, only in swedish (sorry). Altho i can comment it by this wide known line: "To make Rap/Hip-hop you only need a bad upbringing, to play rock you need to be a good musician."

---

Todays Treat: "Moonlight Shadow", original by Mike Oldfield, this remix is by E-Rotic, enjoy. (not original video)

OYG!

These words are true, wount tell who I direct that comment to, but dont worry, you're not the one I mean. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder - however I'd rather put my vote to whoever came up with the phrase "Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder"... Is there rely any true beauty? Since wich one thinks is gorgeus, the next despise..

---

I Get so annoyed when people don't hand out the right information, been called to a meeting twice, and both date AND hours have been wrong! That someone can do it once, is ok, but TWICE? Yeah I'm upset, no wonder huh? So now I got another meeting set for tomorrow, AGAIN! I'm tired of this, tired of it all..



"Pale Cold And Beautiful, My Angel.... My Angel.." - The Mist Of Avalon

---

The Crüxshadows - Wnterborn



Over & out. //Jezz

The Dance

It hurts when angel's fall, never to come back, never to reach it all.
Fell and hit the ground, feathers spread like wildfire.
A Searing pain, whats that? I broke my wing.
Will I ever fly gain?
Is there a life to live down here?
As for now, I sit here alone, shedding one single tear.
And then the silence.

---

"Never shall innocent blood be shed
Yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river
The three shall spread their blackened wings
And be the vengefulstriking hammer of god.
And shepherds we shall be,
for thee my lord for thee.
Power hath decended forth form thy hand
so our feet may swiftly carry out thy command.
And we shall flow a river forth to thee,
and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
When I raise my flashing sword,
and my hand takes hold in judgement,
I will take vengance upon my enemies,
and I shall repay thos who have hazed me.
Oh Lord, raise me to thy right,
and count me among thy saints.
In nomine Patris,
et Filii,
et Sprirtus Sancti"
(Wing dont watch this unless you are prepared that it's quite graphic, and you dont need to see it, it's just a scene from a move where that phrase above is mentioned.)

---

I will try to atleast bring up one subject (same will probably be mentioned several times). This time there's no real subject. Ya cant get it all the time.

As for now.. Over & out!

New year

A new year, a new start (i hope)..

Tings took a bad turn during 2007, tings i wish not to speak of. Mistakes have been made, and I have to take the blame personally. Dont want to say why, the ppl who deserve to know - know. The only thing that can be told, is that it have had such a negative influence in my life, that im not sure if I will survive this time, no i wount kill myself. But things will be tough, anyhow this year have to suck bigtime before being any worce then 2007.. So I hope for the better. I hope for 2008 to bring me some joy in life. Since i practically lost everything - eaven tho I gained some new friends, my life is empty in the most important way, you can figure out yourself what's missing since I wount tell.
Well here's a picture for you Wing.. :-PSo, in other words, I have quite high hopes for 2008. Don't know what it will bring yet, that's left to see. If things get worse then 2007 there wont be much left for me here. Feels like im trapped in the center of the storm, without a fair chance to get out, there's no path I can take that leads me to safety. Might sound depressive, and yes, in some way it is. Altho I can't give up, I cant let "them" win, my life might have hit rock bottom........

But some things might solve it all?? Or something to finally solve what i need, solve it all & let me feel that I belong.
Belong where you might ask? You figure it out.