My empty world of thoughts. "I Am, and always will be my own thinking soul.
But i dont feel well, if I'm not allowed to belong to someone else." -Jezz 990708
"Ich bringe dich dazu mein Freund zu sein, ich schaffe es dass du mich hasst,....aber mich zu lieben,...kannst nur du entscheiden" //Jezz, written sometime during 1996
Falling
A fall to a hope
Beneath the hanging rope
A pledging voice
A reaching hand
"Take me a way from this land"
In sorrow and in joy
I'll always be your toy.
It's time this pain will end.
Time to take me to the promised land.
I believe what's men to be
will take away my misery
Perhaps not improved..
However, I MUST WRITE MORE OFTEN... A fact..
I've been very very very very very lazy lately.
Generally coz theres so much going on, like:
Monday:
05:00 Breakfast,
06:00 Work
11:00 Lunch
12:00 More work
15:00 Go home
15:30 Shower
15:45 Prepare dinner for myself
18:00 Guitar practice
21:00 Bedtime
Tuesday:
Repeat monday
Wensday:
Repeat monday
And so on so forth.
Ehum, well it might not look like much, but it don't leave much time left to do things on.
Poor piglet. Poor fella never stood a chance. It's very easy to judge by how a person dresses. I just wish more ppl could be more understanding. Not to let first impression be held against them.
I'm a part of the machine. The machine thats supposed to work But only does for the ones who fit within the frame I refuse to be yet another sheep within the herd Way to many sheep herded by the machine Told what to think, what to wear. Not me.
Should I get punished for this? I can ensure you that I have, and still am.
Jack of Jill - Girl Scout
(Common now, sing along..)
If you want it, did you never want for more The Girl Scout fell from grace If you want it, did you never want for more I spit inside her face If you want it, did you never want for more The lines that cut right through If you want it, did you never want for more The numbness that was you What I want and what I need To sacrifice what I believe My little Girl Scout Your mouth is getting sore Will you love me any less If I hurt you any more? If you want it, did you never want for more Cleansing every sore If you want it, did you never want for more Sold from door to door If you want it, did you never want for more Finish what you start If you want it, did you never want for more De-humanize my heart What I want and what I need To sacrifice what I believe My little Girl Scout
Your mouth is getting sore Will you love me any less If I hurt you any more? I was never your number one fan How can I grow a girl away When you never were a man? And I was never nice, and I've gone too far You don't need to be nice when you've been Kissed by a star Kissed by a star Kissed by a star Hurt by a star Fucked by a star Kissed by a star Kissed by a star Kissed by a star Fuck what I want Fuck what I need I'll sacrifice what I believe My little Girl Scout Your mouth is getting sore Will you love me any less If I hurt you any more?
I don't know when I don't know how I don't know if. All that can be done, is to keep hope To keep working towards the goal. If I ever can reach it. I refuse to see it as a "if". Rather as a "when". I refuse to believe that I will forever be lost.
Life goes on, not to my liking tho. Everything seems like it don't wanna go my way.. There is ALWAYS something that stands in my way, that fucks things up for me. Wherever I turn, it's a dead end. I'm so sick & tired of this. When will my life turn around?
A thought of moments past Within my mind of final goodbyes Spawned hope redye.
A vision of friends lost The people you miss the most Only till you lost your post.
A memory of good times Checkered past. Nothing lasts.
A spotted presence Lost credence Only memory remains As well as the pain.
-Jezz 2010-03-5
I Don't know why, I got this strange feeling inside. Like something is cooking, something is going on, and I'm not sure that I'm going to like it. However, this is a breaking point in my life, I need to get away from my past, to find myself, my true self this time.. Not this empty shell of mixed dark emotions, a steady flow of pain & depression. Its the time for a new dawn. A new life, a new me. Lets just see if I can succeed this time. /Jezz
"ASP - Dancing" Lyrics: I see their naked bodies dancing in the blue and black lights and wonder when the first will fall I see the eyes wide open and the tongues that lick some lips the shadows how they´re creeping on the wall
There are those nights we want to rip our skin off just to feel that we are we are still alive all angels left us left us all alone there are those nights we can no longer wait for an accident love or lover we are the lost ones searching for a home
I see their faces hollow smiles I see the shadows on the tiles Dancing.....on the wall
Not even when they kiss or when they touch each other with their hands not even then they stop the dance erotic nightmare all the bodies are so wet so beautiful so hot so shivering lost in trance
There are those nights we want to rip our skin off just to feel that we are we are still alive all angels left us left us all alone there are those nights we can no longer wait for an accident love or lover we are the lost ones searching for a home
I see their faces hollow smiles I see the shadows on the tiles Dancing.....on the wall
I know we´re lost because the world is cold and love has died we´re tired we can no longer bleed so we shut out the day exuding all the madness and decay come on there is no time to sleep
There are those nights we want to rip our skin off just to feel that we are we are still alive all angels left us left us all alone there are those nights we can no longer wait for an accident love or lover we are the lost ones searching for a home
I see their faces hollow smiles I see the shadows on the tiles I see them rise I see the fall I see them dancing on the wall
Yes in deed, how to kill a king? Well apparently it's not that hard as you might think. From one thing to another, a kinda fun fact about high heels... Is that it was a king that actually started the fashion, the french reagent Louis XIV (1643 – 1715) also called "The Sun King". Just check out the picture on wikipedia. Strangely enough, it didn't stay with the male population, but somehow over the years the fashion of high heels got turned towards females and developed to perfection, so for many torture devices.. However, high heels are beautiful. I just wish I could walk in em. :P
Transmuter, someday I'll own a pair... And hopefully be able to walk in em to. :D
Bah! Another sleepless night.. I can't understand why my body don't wanna fallow a regular human's cycle... In the morning, noon, always dead tired. Frankly I don't wake up properly before 10 in the morning.. Never understood why, perhaps the answer will come to tell. I just hope it will come soon, coz it's unbearable to have it like this... I mean, when I start to work again, I MUST get up in time, which at the moment seem impossible.. I can set 3-4 alarms on different devices, selular phones/alarmclock/digitalwatch/clockradio etc, sometimes I don't even hear em. And due to that, get late to whatever I need to attend..
Peter Heppner, a wonderful voice, love to hear him sing.. Especially the song "In My Life" where he's only the guest singer to the group "Alice 2"... If you got Spotify it's worth to listen to it, see if you realize what they're singing about. Post in comments if you do..
If that was me, I wouldn't still be visible in cam view, I would be lying on the floor laughing... Even tho I don't got anything against ppl of different, um, feline taste, belief or, um.... how ppl dress and similar.. But if that was what I saw in a webcam conversation, without any warning, the "lol-factor" is high..
My rose. My uncontrolled within.
A scent of humanity. A scent of trust.
Lost within your embrace. Lost within your eyes.
A simple wish to caress those petals. A simple longing for its kiss.
It's so cold, -22ºC this morning (-7.6 ºF), luckily I didn't need to go out at that hour. Tho in 2 hours I gotta, but it has become a little "warmer", now its 'only' -19ºC (-2.2ºF).. Days like this is when I rly wanna get away, to some warmer place. Someone who's good at dreaming is Jack Black, just check this song/video out.
Haha, I always laugh when I watch that clip..
Onto a more serious matter tho, my sister got put into the ER this Saturday, she could have died. And she don't even know about me.. Not sure if it matter, not sure if I care. It's her own sinful living that's bringing her down. All people in my family have warned her, but she still spirals downward.
Mechanical Moth Rulez!!!!!
I love that song, and that video, been listening to it over & over.. Yes.. I Am insane.. But that's the only way for me to get by.
Poor piglet.
Plastic Wrap - Trap
Enter my mind
Destined to die.
Tears of blood.
I don't know when
Bondage
Transmuter, someday I'll own a pair... And hopefully be able to walk in em to. :D
Bah! Another sleepless night.. I can't understand why my body don't wanna fallow a regular human's cycle... In the morning, noon, always dead tired. Frankly I don't wake up properly before 10 in the morning.. Never understood why, perhaps the answer will come to tell. I just hope it will come soon, coz it's unbearable to have it like this... I mean, when I start to work again, I MUST get up in time, which at the moment seem impossible.. I can set 3-4 alarms on different devices, selular phones/alarmclock/digitalwatch/clockradio etc, sometimes I don't even hear em. And due to that, get late to whatever I need to attend..
If that was me, I wouldn't still be visible in cam view, I would be lying on the floor laughing... Even tho I don't got anything against ppl of different, um, feline taste, belief or, um.... how ppl dress and similar.. But if that was what I saw in a webcam conversation, without any warning, the "lol-factor" is high..
My rose.
And don't you forget it!
And if you would forget it, me and Nemi will come and get you when u least expect it, and that's the last thing in the world you want us to do.
It's so cold, -22ºC this morning (-7.6 ºF), luckily I didn't need to go out at that hour. Tho in 2 hours I gotta, but it has become a little "warmer", now its 'only' -19ºC (-2.2ºF)..
